Holding the Tension of Pain & Joy
walking through suffering, yet declaring God’s goodness is not easy.
The Christian experience, especially for those of us walking through trauma healing and living with mental illness, is holding the tension of the pain while still declaring “it is well with my soul.”
While I live with this tension to some degree always, I have really been walking through the valley lately.
2025 hasn’t started with a bang and all the hopes and dreams I had for this year - even just a week in - seem impossible.
I have felt depressed, discouraged and even flirted with despair.
Nothing catastrophic has happened. But the time between January and March are a time of increased mental warfare for me. It’s dark. It’s cold. Seasonal Affective Disorder awakens. And my business always seems to take a dip.
In these times hopelessness wants to creep in. The old lies of the enemy that I fight off seem to get louder. Telling me I’m a failure. I’m no good. There’s no point in trying.
In these times it can feel like God is distant - watching me suffer like it’s playing in the background of his more important work.
And yet, I must choose to believe the truth.
That he is good. That he is loving. That he is near to the broken-hearted.
I must recognize in this moment that while my feelings are real and valid - they are not necessarily the reflection of truth. The truth is God loves me, and as he has seen me through each battle he will see me through this one as well. In him, I am more than a conqueror.
Holding that truth in the midst of pain is not toxic positivity or spiritual by-passing.
It’s the acknowledgement that this hurts and I don’t understand it - but as Habkukk declared, yet will I praise the Lord.
It is harmful to pretend pain doesn’t exist. The joy of the Lord was not meant to say you shouldn’t experience or communicate suffering. True, deep faith doesn’t exist in the absence of real pain and suffering.
It’s both.
We see this in the Psalms as the writers hold this tension - the pain, the suffering and the “yet will I….”.
My prayers lately have started much like the psalmist in Psalm 6:3 - “My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long?”
And in the same breath, my soul is comforted by the psalmist - like in Psalm 121 - “I lift up my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber…”
That’s the tension. The pain and the joy. The suffering and the hope.
I will be exploring this tension - and how to overcome - in a new group coaching program that starts this spring and ends with a powerful 2 night retreat.
We are going to cover how to renew our minds, create healthy boundaries, heal old wounds and more. There is a degree of healing that can only happen in a safe community - and this program of just 10 women will be that community.
You can find out all the details here.
Friend, even in the midst of your pain - God is for you. He will not let this overtake you.