S6 EP14 | 5 Steps to Overcoming Shame
The cross has set us free from shame!
Join Carla as she shares 5 steps to overcoming shame - all rooted in our freedom in Christ. She has struggled with shame in many areas of her life - for many reasons. She knows the weight and self hatred that comes with shame.
She also knows that shame is a tool of the enemy used to isolate us from God and real community.
Five Steps to Overcoming Shame
Talk About It
Break the silence surrounding shame by sharing it with a safe, supportive individual, such as a therapist or pastor. Open up to your spouse if they're a safe confidant.
Lean into God's Truth
Dive into what God says about you in His word, recognizing that you are holy and blameless in His eyes.
Press into Hope
Focus on the hope found in Jesus, knowing that no one who hopes in Him will ever be put to shame (Psalm 25:3).
Give Yourself Compassion
Show yourself the love and compassion you needed during difficult moments in your life. Love and care for your inner self, providing a pathway to God's unconditional love.
Do the Healing Work
Seek professional help or coaching to address and heal the underlying wounds associated with shame. Fact-check your negative self-narrative and replace it with God's truth.
Affirming Truth - I am freed from sin.
Key scriptures:
Romans 8:1: - "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
Ephesians 1:4: "just as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before him."
Psalm 25:3: "No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame."
Connect With Carla:
Inquire about 1:1 coaching ---> carlaagreswellness@gmail.com
Join In His Image Wellness Collective ---> carlaargeswellness@gmail.com
Come hangout on IG with me @carlaarges
Check out the blog
TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00] Carla: Hey friends, welcome to Affirming Truths. I'm your friend and host, Carla Arges. This show is a safe place to share our struggles, grow in faith, and root our identity in Christ. My hope is that you will leave each episode feeling encouraged in your journey. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode, and it would mean the world to me if you would leave a review.
[00:00:30] Carla: I am so glad you're here. Let's get started. Hey friends. It's Carla here. Hope you are doing well. I don't know if you know this, but I have a small little free group on Facebook, um, where I talk to you guys about the podcast and a couple of people who have joined recently have been really wanting help navigating shame.
[00:00:59] Carla: And I talked [00:01:00] about it in the group, but I felt like this needed to be a podcast episode that this message on shame really had to reach a larger audience. You know, shame is a painful feeling, and it usually involves an element of self hate. And if you have experienced shame, or if you're currently experiencing shame, you know the weight of that.
[00:01:28] Carla: And. Before we can move past shame, before we can heal from shame, we really have to understand what shame is because shame is a device of the enemy to separate us from God and from community. And that's not the same as guilt. Guilt can be Holy Spirit conviction for when we are living offside of God's best.[00:02:00]
[00:02:00] Carla: Guilt brings us back to the Father in repentance, in restoration, where shame as a device of the enemy isolates us. Right? And we even see this at the very beginning with Adam and Eve, they had shame after their sin. And rather than going to God, their heavenly father, who had provided for all their needs, who had been nothing but a loving father, instead of going to him and saying, Oh my goodness.
[00:02:33] Carla: I screwed up. Help me. Right? Like, like what, uh, conviction would do. Shame took over and they hid from God. Right? And so we need to understand that shame is a weapon of the enemy. And it's a very tricky one because it goes deep and it takes a lot of [00:03:00] intentional effort on healing to get past shame. So where does shame come from?
[00:03:06] Carla: We know it's a tool of the enemy, but how does it get worked out in our life? And for me and my personal experience, shame has come about in three ways. Shame can come from how you were treated, if, and it's directed inward. We see this in a lot of trauma survivors or abuse survivors, that they have taken what was done to them and somehow internalized it, that they're bad, they're dirty, they're broken.
[00:03:40] Carla: They have taken the evil and sin of someone else. And internalized it as a reflection of who they are, right? So that's one way shame comes up. Shame can come up for circumstances where [00:04:00] we have limitations and accommodations. So for example, mental illness is a big one. Um, and one that I am very familiar with.
[00:04:09] Carla: There's a lot of shame that comes with a mental illness. Um, Diagnosis, there's a lot of shame that comes with needing certain accommodations like medication or reduced working hours or whatever it is in order to thrive within your circumstances, a lot of shame and because of the shame that surrounds things like mental illness, we end up suffering in silence and not living to the full potential that God wants us to live.
[00:04:44] Carla: And another way shame comes up is from our own choices or harmful behavior, um, that we have done things in our past. We have said things in our past. We have acted outside the character we want to have. We [00:05:00]have gone against our internal values or morals and shame creeps in that way. And I have experienced shame on all of those levels, um, as a, a survivor of childhood trauma, of a survivor of, um, abuse and, ooh, I still have a hard time talking about it, but like, you know, trigger warning, but, you know, sexual abuse as a child, not from my parents, not from a family member, um, I had a lot of shame associated with that.
[00:05:41] Carla: I have a lot of shame, or I did, um, by the grace of God and a lot of hard work. I have released the shame surrounding my mental illness. Um, and even the things that I did while I was Um, unstable. So I had a manic [00:06:00] episode and I did horrible things during that manic episode, which had the potential of being absolutely devastating to my family.
[00:06:09] Carla: Um, but God really held me in that moment and. Um, I never experienced shame. God really protected me from that and flooded me with grace. And I think part of what helped that is my husband flooded me with grace too. And then I've had shame from my decisions, um, from my past, uh, a lot of shame. One of the ones I still wrestle with and I'm still healing from and still going to God and still going to therapy.
[00:06:44] Carla: You know, it's, it's still hard for me to acknowledge it, right? My shame wants to keep it hidden, keep it secret. And I have shared it on the podcast before, but as a teenager, I had a couple of [00:07:00] teenage pregnancies that resulted in abortion and the shame, oh my goodness, the trauma from those experiences and the shame of those decisions.
[00:07:13] Carla: Even though I was. A frightened teenager, I have carried that shame and I regularly have to lay that shame down at the foot of the cross because Jesus took it at the cross for me, right? I don't need to hold onto that shame. I can lay it down, but that takes intentional effort and years of walking through therapy, years of studying the Bible and learning about God's.
[00:07:44] Carla: goodness and my identity in him. But shame is powerful and we have to recognize this. And here's the thing about shame. It grows in [00:08:00] secrecy. It grows in silence. It grows in self judgment. So the more you keep your shame a secret, The more you prevent yourself from sharing about your shame, the more you judge yourself through the lens of shame, the more shame grows and guys, we have to know that we know that we know that we are children of God.
[00:08:32] Carla: God, Jesus took our shame to the cross, and I really want us to get a hold of that. Shame wants to tell you that you're broken, that you are unforgivable. Shame wants to tell you that you're dirty. Shame wants to tell you that there's no hope. Shame is a liar because there is always hope in Jesus. There's always [00:09:00] redemption in Jesus.
[00:09:02] Carla: Shame does not have a claim on you and it's time friends for us to stand up to shame and claim back our freedom in Christ because too many of us are operating as prisoners to their, our shame where God came and sent his son to set us free. And we are free. So I want to give you five steps for overcoming shame and they're not all spiritualized steps.
[00:09:34] Carla: Okay. Yes. We need God. Yes. We need to know who God is and we need to understand who we are in Christ. And that's one of the steps, but these aren't just spiritualized steps. And I got to say, I get frustrated and. Early on when I was trying to figure things out, I would get frustrated when I was struggling that people would just spiritualize [00:10:00] it.
[00:10:00] Carla: So I hope I never do that on the podcast because what I needed and what I think you guys need is also practical steps. Like, okay, it's great that the scripture says that, but how do we practically and tangibly walk this out? In our lives. So here are five steps for overcoming shame. The first one. If you got to stop giving it life by talking about it, you have to find a safe place where you can talk about your shame.
[00:10:37] Carla: Maybe that's a pastor, maybe that's a therapist, but I want you to talk about it in a safe place with someone who is equipped. To walk you through that shame. So in most of our cases, that's not our best friend, right? That's not, you know, [00:11:00] our, our high school buddy. Like, we need to talk and open up in a safe place where we can be supported and not judged, where we can be given practical support.
[00:11:15] Carla: And then with that, and with that confidence, open up to our spouse. If your spouse is safe, right? I understand that that is not a luxury in all marriages. I'm very blessed with the husband that I have, but you need to talk about the shame. Shame thrives in secrecy. It thrives. You're like giving it miracle grow.
[00:11:42] Carla: When you keep shame a secret, when you keep quiet about your shame, you are giving it steroids. Guys, you have to talk about the shame. Number two, you have to lean into what God says about you. In Ephesians 1, [00:12:00] 4, it says, just as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before him.
[00:12:10] Carla: Friend, you are holy and blameless before God because of the work of Jesus on the cross, which he had planned before the foundation of the world. God knew before you did what your shame would be, and He provided the solution. Nothing can separate you from the love of God. Your shame was nailed to the cross.
[00:12:37] Carla: Shame is lying to you about who you are. So lean into what God says about you in His word. You are beloved. You are a joint heir with Christ. You are free. And friend, if you are having trouble getting into the word, I want to remind you to get on the wait list for my high, how to [00:13:00] study the Bible course, because it is going to take you through and give you confidence to approach your Bible, understand your Bible and grow deeper with the Lord.
[00:13:12] Carla: I'll put that link in the bio. I think I said that last week and then I didn't add the link. I'll have to update that, but I'll put the link in the Bible. Join the wait list or in the bio in the show notes, join the wait list. It is going to be a transformational course for any of you who feel overwhelmed, intimidated, unqualified to pick up your Bible and study it.
[00:13:36] Carla: If you don't feel confident, if you don't think you have the time because of. What you believe Bible study to be then you need to get in the course number three press into the hope of Jesus Shame wants you to feel like you're hopeless The self hate that comes with shame is [00:14:00] overwhelming and it will rob you of hope and joy If you fix your focus, though, onto the hope of Jesus, you can override some of that shame.
[00:14:13] Carla: No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame. It says that in Psalm 25, the front end of verse 3. No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame. There is no shame over you who are a child of God. Shame is broken off of you in Jesus name. Press into that hope of Jesus, that you are redeemed, that you are washed clean.
[00:14:46] Carla: Give yourself compassion. Give yourself compassion. That's number four. You need to recognize that where shame [00:15:00] wants to accuse you because of what was done to you, where shame wants to accuse you because of your illness, where shame wants to accuse you because of choices that you made that were against who you wanted to be.
[00:15:16] Carla: You've got to give yourself compassion. You gotta give yourself compassion, maybe, for that little girl whose parents used shame as a weapon to get her to cooperate. That little girl needed love and I want you to give her love or that teenager or young adult that made those choices that doesn't align with the Bible.
[00:15:43] Carla: Even if you knew better because you were scared and afraid and alone, give yourself compassion that you didn't have the support system that you needed at that time to have the confidence to make. other [00:16:00] choices. Give yourself compassion. Give yourself compassion. Instead of beating yourself up when you're faced with a roadblock because of your mental illness and your mental health, give yourself compassion and permission to love the little girl inside of you that needs love.
[00:16:23] Carla: And I know that may sound weird to a lot of you, but if you are a trauma survivor, if you are someone that has battled with mental health all your life, you're gonna know what I mean here. That little girl in you needs to know she's loved. She needs to know she's loved and you get to give her that love and you get to even more so point her to the everlasting, unconditional, cleansing, love of Jesus and [00:17:00] number five, start doing the work to heal because shame.
[00:17:07] Carla: Often comes with wounds, whether they are wounds that were inflicted on us by others or wounds that we inflicted on ourselves, shame comes with wounds. And when we ignore the wound and we pretend it's not there, we try to hide it in secrecy. We try to keep it silent. It will continue to bleed out. We want to heal that wound.
[00:17:36] Carla: How do you heal that wound? You work with a coach like me. You go to therapy. And you talk through. And you fact check. And you start to appropriate God's truth in your life as you heal. You start to recognize the narrative that you've told yourself [00:18:00] that is a lie that keeps the wound from healing. And you put the bomb of truth over it.
[00:18:07] Carla: And in time with intentionality, you heal and break free from shame, not in your own strength, but with the help of the Holy Spirit at work in you as you partner with someone safe, like a coach or a therapist. So here they are again, 1. Talk about it. Do not let shame thrive in secrecy. 2. Lean into what God says about you.
[00:18:39] Carla: Take my Bible study course if you need help on discovering that. 3. Press into the hope of Jesus. 4. Give yourself compassion. 5. Do the work to heal the wound. Your affirming truth for you [00:19:00] today. is I am freed from sin. I am freed from shame in Jesus name because of the cross. I am free from shame in Jesus name because of the cross.
[00:19:19] Carla: And our anchoring verse here, and it probably won't be a surprise, is Romans 8, 1. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. God is not keeping shame on you. He wants you to walk in the freedom. That he bought for you. Don't stay tied to your shame, but do the work to overcome it and be a victor and warrior and overcomer in your life because that my friend is truly who you are.
[00:19:58] Carla: In Christ. [00:20:00] I'll talk to you later.
[00:20:07] Carla: Thanks for joining me today. I hope we're already friends on social media. But if we're not, come find me on Instagram at Carla Arges or at Affirming Truth. Can't wait to see you back here next week. Bye friends.