S6 Bonus 14 | Trauma & The Body with Melissa Rohlfs
Today Carla sits down with Melissa Rohlfs, author of Finding Freedom, and talks about how trauma can show up in our bodies. Melissa shares her experience with trauma and the steps she shared to find freedom from it.
This is an important conversation you don’t want to miss.
Connect with Melissa Here:
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melissa-rohlfs
FREEBIE: https://mailchi.mp/free2bcoaching/sugar-rf-sept-2020
Recognizing Trauma
Trauma isn't limited to severe experiences; it's any situation where the body feels it lacks resources.
Trauma can manifest physically, emotionally, or mentally.
Awareness is the first step in addressing trauma; notice when you're triggered and explore the underlying causes.
Coping with Triggers
Create a buffer zone between triggers by planning your schedule mindfully.
Develop a game plan for how to respond to triggers, such as deep breathing exercises or tapping.
Be proactive in managing triggers, rather than reacting to them.
Healing and Nutrition
Many individuals use food to cope with trauma, resulting in unhealthy relationships with nutrition.
Recognize the role of nutrition in self-care and healing.
Shift your perspective on food, viewing it as nourishment for your body and a way to steward your health.
Finding Freedom
Melissa's book, "Finding Freedom," explores overcoming obstacles that hinder a free and fulfilled life.
Trauma doesn't have to define your future; there's hope, healing, and freedom available.
Understanding your trauma is a crucial step toward finding freedom.
Seeking Help
Reach out for support through therapy, coaching, or other resources.
Embrace curiosity over judgment to explore your trauma and its impact.
Recognize that healing from trauma is a journey; it's okay not to have all the answers immediately.
Connect With Carla:
Inquire about 1:1 coaching ---> carlaagreswellness@gmail.com
Join In His Image Wellness Collective ---> carlaargeswellness@gmail.com
Come hangout on IG with me @carlaarges
Check out the blog
TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00] Carla: Hey friends, welcome to this bonus episode of Affirming Truths. I am so excited about our guest, Melissa Ralls. She is the podcast host of Mondays with Melissa, author of Finding Freedom, and a life coach. And I found Melissa on the internet, like you do, and what really And I'm so excited to have her on the show today.
[00:00:27] Carla: And one of the show. Is her talk and heart. For people who are overcoming trauma. And we're going to talk about how trauma shows up in our bodies and what we can do about it. Melissa. Thank you so much for being
[00:00:42] Melissa: here. Thank you for having me. I'm really excited.
[00:00:46] Carla: So trauma. It's a big topic. How did you land on this in your own life to, to explore how trauma shows up in our bodies?
[00:00:59] Carla: [00:01:00] Like before we even get into that, how did you wind
[00:01:04] Melissa: up in this space? It was my own journey. It was really my own diagnosis with PTSD about 12 years ago that really kind of caused me to look at how trauma has impacted me, my life, my body, and just kind of do a deep dive in what What if trauma was the root of so many things that I was dealing with that I didn't even know was the root?
[00:01:30] Melissa: And so really just my own journey, Carla, is what propelled me into this and here I am.
[00:01:36] Carla: And so how does trauma show up in our body? I think some of the quick obvious ways are like In the moment of a trigger, our heart beats faster, or we get an upset stomach, or our muscles have tension. But I think that there's probably a lot deeper that trauma impacts our bodies and shows up in our lives.
[00:01:59] Carla: What does that [00:02:00] look like?
[00:02:01] Melissa: Yeah, 100%. I mean, they're, you know, I think if we could just start off, so everybody's kind of on the same page. Cause I think when you hear the term trauma, you might think worst, worst case scenario, and maybe that wasn't your experience. So you don't think that you've had trauma, but really trauma is diagnosed as having an experience where the body didn't feel like it had enough resources.
[00:02:23] Melissa: And so I think we've all had those experiences where we felt like we didn't have enough resources. And we didn't know what to do, regardless of what the event was. It might, might not be something big, major, like we define as the big teen trauma. So I think, you know, it shows up in a variety of ways. It can show up in our thought life, it can show up in, like you said, physically with, you know, our heart beating or our stomach maybe hurting or muscles tensing up, but it can also obviously show up in our thoughts, as I mentioned, but also just in the way that we respond and react to things.
[00:02:57] Melissa: And so, When God created our [00:03:00] bodies, he created our bodies amazingly, and he designed us to keep, you know, the brain is designed to keep us safe. And so we have a thinking brain, we have a feeling brain, and we have another branch that I'm totally blanking on. Thinking, feeling, it'll come to me. And so what happens is when we encounter a traumatic event that's perceived as traumatic to our bodies, One of those branches of the brain will either shut down or kick in depending on the situation to keep us safe.
[00:03:30] Melissa: So, it can shut your thinking down and make you kind of, you know, feel foggy or, you know, not clear headed and kind of distort your thoughts, um, in a way. But also, again, physically with the things that you mentioned as well. So, it's kind of like an onion. You've got to peel off the different layers to see kind of where it starts.
[00:03:48] Melissa: It's like that
[00:03:49] Carla: fight, freeze, flee, or fawn. When we are triggered, what are we going to do? And I like that you brought [00:04:00] up the fact that trauma is not just those big T traumas. It's not just being out in a war zone. It's not just experiencing horrific violence. There are all kinds of traumas, even growing up in a household where You weren't held enough or told you were loved enough and you felt disconnected from your parents.
[00:04:23] Carla: Habitual, habitual neglect ends up being a complex trauma. Um, and so I want us to... To not get into that space where we compare traumas, who's bigger, who's worse, who's more. Because it's so individual, like you said, about the resources that you had to cope with it. Some people have resources, and the things that you think would destroy them, they end up coming out on top, where other people, they crumble under it.
[00:04:53] Carla: And it is all about those resources. What is an example of some resources that help [00:05:00] that, you know, when you say we're lacking, what does it look to not lack in the area of resources?
[00:05:07] Melissa: Yeah, I think it's just being aware. I think so many times, Carla, we might have an awareness of something, but we don't do anything with it because we're fearful or.
[00:05:17] Melissa: We're shameful or their skills or whatever that is. But I think, you know, if you have that awareness, take the next step and really kind of dive deeper and become curious. I love to use the phrase replace judgment with curiosity, um, so if you can get really kind of curious and see is there a pattern, is there something going on and kind of try to identify it.
[00:05:38] Melissa: Obviously I'm a big fan of getting help through therapy or coaching or whatever that looks like for the person and what they need, but I think too just some practical things that we can do or we can breathe deep. There's a breathing technique. called the 557 where it sinks your brain and your body together and it kind of helps everything calm down.
[00:05:56] Melissa: And so what you do is you breathe in for five seconds, you [00:06:00] hold it for five seconds, and then you exhale for seven seconds. So that exhale is longer, but it kind of sinks the body in a brain and tells everything to come to calm down. Tapping is another great resource, um, where you just take your two fingers and you can tap on some pressure points like your wrists, um, behind your ears, and I always like to put a verse with it, um, so just find a scripture that's, you know, meaningful to me or that I kind of stand on and tap, as I'm saying the verse over myself, that can also be a really powerful tool in the moment as well, but just things like that, I think awareness is that first thing, because you have to be aware That something is triggering you, it's bothering you, you're reacting a certain way and then kind of look backwards to identify, okay, what, what happened?
[00:06:43] Melissa: Why did I do that? Where did that come from?
[00:06:45] Carla: I love that. I love that. Being curious, sitting in curiosity instead of judgment and that's something that I've learned to do in my own life and in getting curious and in recognizing things, you're able to be proactive [00:07:00]even before you're triggered. How do you, for the person who is going from trigger to trigger to trigger, how do you create more space between them?
[00:07:10] Carla: I don't think it's realistic to say you're never going to be triggered. Like you said, we're, we're onions, we're constantly healing on new levels. But I think that there is a place that we can get to where we have a little bit more control. So how do we, what do we do in our non trigger moments to prevent?
[00:07:31] Carla: the trigger moments or to, to Make them not as intense or spread them out further. If that question makes sense. Does that make sense?
[00:07:41] Melissa: Yeah. Yeah, you make total sense. It's great. I'm a big proponent. And 1 thing that has served me really well is kind of coming up with a game plan. So I like to like look at the week ahead of time and kind of identify like, okay, this could trigger me.
[00:07:57] Melissa: This is an opportunity for me to [00:08:00] maybe, um, take some, some space and whether it's prayer or breathing or tapping or whatever that looks like to kind of create that buffer zone. You've got to kind of create a buffer zone for yourself. Um, it's really what I think the answer is. So when you're looking at your week, If you can't change your schedule because not everybody can life happens like it's like you right but really having kind of those tools and those resources in your back pocket so that when you are triggered, you can act on them, but then also taking that a step further and maybe being a little bit more intentional mindful for future instances where you're not in that same situation so for me I've discovered that if I do Things back to back to back to back to back.
[00:08:40] Melissa: It's too much and that triggers me very easily. So I have to create margin in my calendar when I can. That's something that's been helpful for me. So I think, again, it's just looking at what the triggers are and seeing what do I need, what can I do differently in this situation.
[00:08:55] Carla: Like you said, create margins.
[00:08:57] Carla: I've had to do that for myself. Not necessarily [00:09:00] because of trauma, but I have bipolar and what I am capable of doing in a day
[00:09:11] Carla: And I think we need to give ourselves grace if you're struggling through trauma, what you can accomplish in a day may not look like what someone else does without trauma. And we need to not keep pushing ourselves to those boundaries, but in love, accepting them and learn to thrive within them because you can thrive within them.
[00:09:35] Carla: Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you. I know one of the things that I talk a lot about is my four pillars of Christ centered wellness. And it is renewing your mind and movement and nutrition and rest. And I know from snooping you that you, you do speak a lot to the value of nutrition and food. And what is the [00:10:00] relationship, would you say, in how we.
[00:10:03] Carla: Nurture our body with food and the interplay of trauma and how we can actually use food as a positive influence in
[00:10:12] Melissa: healing from our trauma. Yeah, that's a really great question and I think my own journey and what I've seen in the women that I work with is that. I used food to kind of cope with the trauma to kind of push down the trauma to I didn't know what to do.
[00:10:29] Melissa: So I remember being an eight year old little girl and hiding cookies and donuts and all sorts of just non healthy food, non nourishing food, I should say, um, In my room because sugar made me feel good. It gave me that dopamine release and it made me feel good and then I went crashing down and so at a very young age food became a coping mechanism for me and I've seen that in so many women that I work with who have the same sort of relationship with food is that there's trauma in the past and they've used food to try to buffer the [00:11:00] trauma or the emotion to kind of numb to stuff to push it down and I think there is a huge link in there.
[00:11:07] Melissa: In fact, um There's a statistic that says women who have endured trauma are 11 percent more likely to struggle with weight and food and that sort of thing down the line. And I think part of it is because of that relationship, you use food to feel good. That's what I did. And so I think that. Becoming aware of I was using food in this way and shifting my perspective, renewing my mind and realizing God made my body as a temple of the Holy Spirit.
[00:11:36] Melissa: I need to steward this. I need to nourish it. And if you look in the Bible, he's pretty clear about how we are to eat. And we talks about Daniel and how he, you know, didn't give in to the orders and how He really ate a certain way and he had victory and I think it's the same for us. We need to learn what foods nourish us and energize us and really help us live in optimal health instead of using it as [00:12:00] kind of a stuffing mechanism, if you will.
[00:12:02] Melissa: So really that shifted my perspective on food and how I relate to it, what I use it for. And it was an amazing, amazing life changing journey, really.
[00:12:13] Carla: Yeah, I love that because I know for me, food and alcohol and shopping We're all areas where I used to buffer and, um, and really starting to look at how could I steward my choices to the glory of God?
[00:12:30] Carla: And where should I go with my pain? Should I go to the fridge or should I go to my heavenly father, you know, and, and really leaning into that. In your experience of living with PTSD, how have you seen God
[00:12:45] Melissa: show up? Gosh, I have seen him show up so powerfully. Right after I was diagnosed, Carla, I went to, we had, we're at a church that had healing prayer rooms.
[00:12:56] Melissa: And so I went to the healing programs and I could, was [00:13:00] they prayed for me? I could feel some stuff kind of start to fall off. And I, at that point in my faith, I was very much like. I just want to go to prayer. I want to get healed and I want to be done. Like, I think we all want that instantaneous miracle, right?
[00:13:12] Melissa: But I feel like God was like, no, this is a journey we're partnering together, and I'm going to lead you to the right people who can help you on your way. And sure enough, he did. That's where I met the naturopath and all of these other people that were a part of my healing journey. He just lined them up so beautifully.
[00:13:28] Melissa: And it was awesome to see. All of that worked together. And I didn't feel like I had to strive or I had to Google all these things. Like it just was very much, I've got you, I'm going to take care of you. And he's taken care of me ever since. And now it's awesome because I can see like some of those patterns and other people.
[00:13:45] Melissa: And I can say, okay, tell me about that. Is there, is there hurt around that? Is that a past wound that maybe we need to heal from and work through? And he's using my pain for a purpose, which I think is so amazing. Cause when you're in that place and you're hurting and you're suffering, you're like, Oh my [00:14:00] gosh, I don't want this to just be for nothing.
[00:14:02] Melissa: You know what I mean? So I've seen him work so much
[00:14:05] Carla: Friends you hear me say this a lot, but god wastes nothing and it's often our point Of pain or trial or struggle that god will redeem to be our message and use For us to have kingdom impact. And that's what he's doing with you right now, Melissa. And it's so beautiful.
[00:14:26] Carla: You're not sitting in your pain. You're using it to feel helping others work through their pain. You're 10 steps ahead of them and you're not just charging forward. You're taking a moment to look behind and extend your hand and bring those women along with you. And I think that is so beautiful.
[00:14:44] Melissa: And you're doing the same.
[00:14:46] Melissa: So kudos to you too. You are. We're in the trenches together. Yes.
[00:14:53] Carla: You just, um, at the time of this recording, have launched a book called Finding [00:15:00] Freedom. Why don't you tell us a little bit about that and who's it for, what they're going to get from it, where can they find
[00:15:07] Melissa: it. Okay, sounds good. So it's finding freedom and it's all about finding the obstacles that prevent you from living a free and fulfilled life.
[00:15:17] Melissa: And so I talk about my trauma in there. I talk about, you know, some of my healing journeys, some things that were helpful for me, um, really want to give the reader resources so that they know they're not alone and that. It's very, like for me, when I got the diagnosis, Carla, I was like, okay, I've got this now, now what do I do with it?
[00:15:33] Melissa: And so I really want to, you know, give hope and encouragement, but also like, here, here's the next thing you can do, there are things you can do to go forward instead of sitting in it. Cause I think it would be easy to do that. Um, so really just to kind of equip and empower people who read the book, like these are things I can do.
[00:15:51] Melissa: These are tangible steps I can take to be on my journey of finding freedom. So that's a little bit about the book and you can find it on Amazon.
[00:15:57] Carla: That's amazing. [00:16:00] Before we wrap up, for the woman who is in the midst of her trauma, in the midst of figuring out what is that next right step to take, what encouragement or word of hope would you give
[00:16:13] her
[00:16:14] Melissa: today?
[00:16:15] Melissa: I want her to know that there is hope, and I know this sounds crazy, I think I even have a quote around it in my book, but like, getting that diagnosis, it, it was horrifying, and kind of nerve wracking, and overwhelming, but at the same time there was hope, because I knew what I was dealing with, and I think the unknown can create an anxiety, it can create an overwhelm, at least for me it can, I very much prefer the known, that's not always how God works, um, but just, I feel like, Once you kind of have a handle on what you're working with, you kind of can take steps forward and you can find that freedom.
[00:16:47] Melissa: And so I want people to know that you can be free and that there is hope and there is healing and you can live that free and fulfilled life regardless of what you've
[00:16:55] Carla: gone through. I love that. So friends, if you are struggling, your [00:17:00] next right step is to pick up Finding Freedom by Melissa. I had to practice saying that name a few times before we started.
[00:17:10] Carla: You're good! I'm just so glad I'm saying it right. Well, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for encouraging my audience, my friends. Um, thank you for those two tips too, about in the moment, the five by five by seven breathing and the tapping. Those are practical tips, ladies, that we can use in the moment to get through a hard time.
[00:17:34] Carla: One of my favorite ones too. Um, one of my DBT skills I lean on is icing my face. So if you follow me on Instagram, you will sometimes see me icing my face and it's a way that I reset my nervous system when it's out. So lots of great stuff. Thank you so much for your time, Melissa. I so appreciate you and I appreciate the work that you're doing.
[00:17:54] Carla: Where can people find you? Where do you hang out where they can find
[00:17:58] Melissa: you? [00:18:00] Yes, my website is free. The number two, the letter B coaching. com. So free to be coaching. com. And from there, I believe you should be able to find me on Facebook and Instagram and Pinterest and all the places I hang out, but free to be coaching is kind of the main hub if you will.
[00:18:14] Melissa: And thank you for having me. I don't want to say, want to forget and say thank you. So thank you very much. And
[00:18:20] Carla: we'll put all her stuff in the show notes, of course, including, um, a link to go get her book. Thank you again so much, Melissa.
[00:18:29] Melissa: Thank you, Carla.