S9.10 | Motherhood, Trauma, and Healing: Insights from Postpartum Coach Chassie Cox
Today, we have an incredibly special guest joining us—Chassie Cox, a postpartum depression and anxiety coach, and a devoted mother of five.
Having battled through her own intense experiences with postpartum depression and anxiety, Chassie brings a wealth of knowledge, heart, and faith to our conversation.
We'll dive into her journey, from the darkness of her struggles to the redemption and purpose she found through God's guidance. We also discuss the brave mother method she created, which helps moms navigate their emotions and triggers while being present for their families.
Did you know that Carla is a Christian Mental Health coach?
See if working with her is what you need in your current season.
Book a discovery call today!
Key Takeaways
Embracing the Reality of Postpartum Depression and Anxiety:
Chassie shares her personal struggles with postpartum depression and anxiety during her journey as a mother of five. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing postpartum issues to ensure the well-being of both mother and child.
The Importance of Therapy and Support:
Chassie's breakthrough came when she sought therapy and support, challenging the conditioned beliefs she grew up with. She highlights that therapy, like spiritual guidance, is a gift and a practical step toward healing.
Changing Motherhood Through Healing:
Chassie shares her journey of transformation in motherhood after undergoing healing, emphasizing the significant positive change in her relationship with her children.By doing the inner work, mothers can break generational cycles of trauma and guide their children from a place of healed wholeness.
Connect with Chassie:
IG https://www.instagram.com/thepostpartumnanny/
Free Postpartum Emotional Healing Guide: https://tiny-rain-753.myflodesk.com
Sign up for her newsletter: https://view.flodesk.com/pages/640a4296ffe109d89ac141cc
Connect With Carla:
Foundations to Healing—-> https://www.carlaarges.com/renewing-hope
GET ONE THE WAITLIST FOR RECLAIM YOUR POWER!
Inquire about 1:1 coaching ---> carlaagreswellness@gmail.com
Come hangout on IG with me @carlaarges
Check out the blog
Resources:
5 Steps to Building Resiliency
Affirming Truths Facebook Community
5 Tips for Overcoming a Negative Body Image
Who You Say I Am Biblical Affirmation Cards
TRANSCRIPT
Carla Arges [00:00:08]:
Hey, friends, welcome to affirming truths. I'm your friend and host, Carla Arges. This show is a safe place to share our struggles, grow in faith, and root our identity in Christ. My hope is that you will leave each episode feeling encouraged in your journey. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode. And it would mean the world to me if you would leave a review. I am so glad you're here. Let's get started.
Carla Arges [00:00:35]:
Hey, friends, welcome to this special episode of affirming truths. I am so excited. I have Chassie Cox here. She is a postpartum depression and anxiety coach. I discovered her on instagram and instantly felt a kinship towards her, having gone through my own really bad battle with prenatal anxiety and postpartum depression. And I just love her heart for the Lord. I love her heart for people. So, Chassie, welcome to the show.
Chassie Cox [00:01:09]:
Thank you. So glad to be here with each of you listening in today.
Carla Arges [00:01:14]:
So you are no stranger to the world of postpartum. You're a mama of five kids, right?
Chassie Cox [00:01:23]:
Correct?
Carla Arges [00:01:23]:
Yes.
Chassie Cox [00:01:24]:
Five little ones? Yes.
Carla Arges [00:01:25]:
So what about your experience kind of led you into this world, and what do you see happening in the space of postpartum and how women are treated when they're going through all these tough emotions and they're trying to be moms and they're trying to have it all together, and they really do want to enjoy those moments, and yet this wave can just really rob that of them.
Chassie Cox [00:01:52]:
Yeah, that was like, 20 questions in one. So I'll try to come out with everything in there. But the first thing is, I think I'm going to start with myself, is, yes, I'm a mom to five. And somehow, by God's grace, I was able to endure postpartum depression anxiety five times. And I used the word endure because it was definitely not an easy battle for me. And so many people are like, I don't even understand how you made it through one or two babies. And I said, literally, I would pray and pray to God to just keep me sane enough to, like, take care of my babies and do what I needed to do. And just so you know, I had the postpartum depression anxiety where I was always fearful of my babies getting hurt.
Chassie Cox [00:02:32]:
I was fearful that if I left them, they wouldn't feel loved. And then I was fearful that I also had intrusive thoughts and suicide ideation. So I wanted to leave the situation thinking I wasn't worthy of my own children or good enough for my own children. And so these are the experiences I had after each baby, to the point I wouldn't sleep, I had insomnia, I had body hives, I would have somewhat eating disorders happening going on. I would eat too much or eat not enough for weeks on. And so I was all over the place and I kept feeling like, God, where are you? Where are you? I couldn't find him in the thick of the darkness. And it wasn't until my fifth baby, wherever it was, my third baby, I knew I had postpartum depression, anxiety, but I was just like, hey, here we go. Like, we're just going to go through it again.
Chassie Cox [00:03:22]:
Each time, you know, just thinking, this is the route to go. Now my history is, or conditioned beliefs are therapy that doesn't work, don't go to therapy. Medication doesn't work, don't use medication. So my background and how I was brought up was not to get that support and help, but after my fifth baby, I knew I had to get support or help because I was on my last straw, so to speak. Right? Like, my suicide ideation was very strong. And so I actually was praying to God for two weeks, saying, can you please help me find a therapist? Please help me find someone to help me and guide me. Because the body hives were taking over my life. I was having body hives every day.
Chassie Cox [00:04:01]:
And finally, literally, I was a graph designer, still am on the side for 15 years. And so I had a client who was actually a life coach, didn't know that's the work she was doing, spiritual coach and a therapist. And she literally asked me one question during one of our calls talking about her business card. She was like, how are you? And she has that energy to know, right, people need support. And I said, I'm not okay. And I just cried. Did not even know what her job was until after that call. And sure enough, we started sessions the next day, and I started my journey of healing.
Chassie Cox [00:04:36]:
And little did I know so much of my healing was trauma, healing related to my nervous system, related to that. Abandoned me, feeling like I was abandoning my children, but I really wasn't. Feeling like I wasn't worthy for my children, but I really was. And so that's where it all stemmed from in my journey, in my healing, leading me to knowing God said, hey, you've been through this, now you need to go help someone else.
Carla Arges [00:05:01]:
Yeah.
Chassie Cox [00:05:02]:
Where I started my journey as a.
Carla Arges [00:05:04]:
Life coach and helping others, that is amazing. And in my own experience, too. And what I see in my clients is often motherhood will reveal our wounds.
Chassie Cox [00:05:17]:
Yes.
Carla Arges [00:05:18]:
And there's a lot of root in anxiety and depression in that past trauma we've experienced ourselves. So how does someone navigate that when they're being triggered to their past, and yet they have to care in the present and be mindful of their kids future? How do they navigate that?
Chassie Cox [00:05:45]:
Yeah. So I personally have created a method that works so good for me that I now tell all my clients, help all my clients with, and it's one of the tools that I would say is my main tool is called the brave mother method. And what we do is, you know this so much, Carla, because you do nervous system work and you understand the trauma, but it's like, how do we slow down the body and the mind to become conscious to those emotions and those triggers and those feelings? And so the. It really comes down to simple tools, such as deep breaths first, see through things, touching things, hear through things, and then we do the brave mother method, where I go, okay, what's happened in your past that could be triggering right now? Right. We bring consciousness to that. Okay, I'm angry. Why am I angry? Okay, then we're gonna go deeper, right? So we really take it back. And so I'm like, what happened in your past? And as a coach, that's what I help you do, is find those roots so you can connect that logic to the past.
Chassie Cox [00:06:38]:
And then as we go through the coaching, they do this brave mother method on their own. Then the next step is, what's happening currently? Present moment. Oh, my kid just dropped a drink. Oh, this baby's hungry and screaming and having, you know, breakdown. Oh, this is happening. Quiet. All of those alarms through just that presence and reframing in that moment. And then future anxiety, my fears.
Chassie Cox [00:06:59]:
I'm never going to be good with mom. I can't get all the work done I need to today. I can't get the laundry done and quieting those and being like, no, this is good enough because I did this, this and this, and it's just that consciousness and that refrain, but also to feel those emotions without that shame or guilt. So we use the brave mother method as a top tool in my coaching programs.
Carla Arges [00:07:18]:
I love that. And, you know, I often say I didn't coin this phrase, but you can't heal what you don't feel like.
Chassie Cox [00:07:25]:
Right?
Carla Arges [00:07:26]:
Equipped to handle those emotions without going into fight or flight or freeze is so crucial in expanding your window of tolerance and being able to have the capacity for what's happening in the present. I don't know if you see this, but I see this, that a lot of people don't even recognize they have trauma. Like, people have this idea of what trauma is. Like, trauma is some sort of horrific abuse or some sort of shocking event. How would you actually define trauma?
Chassie Cox [00:08:04]:
So I've been trying to come up. I know, I'm sure you've read many books, too. There's all these different ways of describing trauma. And I've been trying to come up with an easier term to really just kind of dumb it down, so to speak. And I think for me, it's like, it's a feeling during event where you needed more support or help. So that's just like a small version of that. And we can even say, oh, it's the nervous system was too stressed to cope with the event or the feelings that happened during the event. And I love to say, you know, it could be as minor as your dog died or your neighbor's dog died, and that emotionally hurt you and no one was supporting you.
Chassie Cox [00:08:39]:
Or it can be as big, of course, as a car wreck and things like that. And that's the thing is the people that need the most healing are usually the ones that don't recognize the trauma as. That is what I've seen. And so we know the big tease. We know when we have gone through, possibly even like the car wreck or the divorced parents or whatever has happened. But so many of my clients specifically don't recognize they even have birth trauma. And that's a big one that has triggers a lot of the resurfacing of the past wounds with the present wounds is from that birth trauma feeling that abandonment or distress or neglect or not feeling hurt, seen, or loved right. During that process.
Chassie Cox [00:09:23]:
And what we consider birth traumas very individualized, too.
Carla Arges [00:09:28]:
Yeah.
Chassie Cox [00:09:28]:
And so that's the same with every other event in your life, not just birth trauma, right. Not like, what events have you gone through that's individualized? Like, for instance, one of my kids, he colored something so cute, and it was this perfect painting, and then his sister ripped it up. Think about that. That's his creation, what he made. That was trauma to him. And it's just. It's was a big word to use in that instance, but it was a distressing feeling for him that he needed support and love and to be seen in her. And, like, it's.
Chassie Cox [00:10:00]:
It's okay to cry about that. It's okay to feel that.
Carla Arges [00:10:03]:
Yeah. And sometimes trauma isn't necessarily the byproduct of something bad that's happened to you. Like, I have done research, too, on, you know, during World War Two, mothers that sent their kids away to save them from the war. So this loving act of I'm protecting you was actually a separation trauma for kids that have grown up with this huge attachment issue, or if you grow up in a household where maybe you have a sibling that required more attention because they had medical needs, that maybe you felt neglected, like, these are all things, you know, trauma isn't just these shocking things. And there's this idea about, well, my life wasn't as bad as someone else's, therefore I shouldn't complain about it. Do you ever slump up against that?
Chassie Cox [00:10:58]:
Yes. Especially in the christian world. I would call that, like, it's very, like, oh, my life's better than theirs, et cetera. Yeah, that happens all the time. And I even. Just to add to that, I've read studies, too, of even, like, being in a fast paced home and not slowing down. Like, your mother having anxiety and always was like, you know, trying to get somewhere quickly. Like, that can cause trauma, too.
Chassie Cox [00:11:20]:
But, yeah, like, yeah, your life is maybe not as bad as someone else's, but it's still your story. It's still your emotions and your feelings. And I think that's what it all comes down to. Right. I don't know if you see this in your coaching, too, but, like, just validating everything and every part of who you are and being okay with feeling and being that person, even the good, the bad, the uncomfortable emotions, the happy emotions. And that's what healing it is. Like, we're not fixing you. You're not broken.
Chassie Cox [00:11:51]:
We're just revealing what's always been under there that's been pressed down by trauma over these years.
Carla Arges [00:11:57]:
Yeah, yeah. And changing your relationship with it.
Chassie Cox [00:12:00]:
Right.
Carla Arges [00:12:01]:
That brings healing. The healing takes you out of living in the past and just recycling the past emotion over and over again. So you mentioned christian circles. So let's go there. Let's go.
Chassie Cox [00:12:15]:
Let's go there.
Carla Arges [00:12:16]:
Yes, because, and, you know, I. I see this on my instagram all the time. I very openly talk about, you know, needing therapy, even needing medication if you need it, if you have mental illness and that not being a reflection of your faith. And I get a lot of comments back where christians just disagree and they see working through trauma and working through mental illness as strictly a spiritual issue. What would you say to the woman who knows she needs help but is afraid of that kind of christian stigma that exists?
Chassie Cox [00:12:58]:
Yeah, I think it's your relationship with God. I think that's the most important thing to think about first, is, like, would God judge me if I went and got therapy or support or help. No, he created that person to have those gifts to support me and to help me. And I think we forget we're all interconnected on purpose and supposed to guide and support each other on purpose to bring up the kingdom. And if, and if that's including mental illness, then that's absolutely including mental illness. You know, going back to my story, like, I could have had help after my first and second or third baby, not my fifth baby, if I had known it was safe to go to that place to get that support and to get that help and to, and to rely on God and to pray to God through all of it always. But, like, I wouldn't be sitting here right now if I didn't find myself and my light and my joy again because my trauma was stealing that away from who I truly was, which was my relationship with God, too. And I thought God and I had this amazing relationship, but actually, when I went through my own healing process and journey of healing my trauma, I found a new perspective of God.
Chassie Cox [00:14:04]:
And not that a new God, but a new perspective of God of like, wow, he was there for that. He was there for that. He loved me through all of that. But my trauma deceived me of what I truly was and what my light truly was. So when you said, so, we're not living in our past. We're not recycling all the time. I think to the mom out there listening to this, she needs to go to God and pray about it, first of all, and then second of all, see that he's, his hand is in all goodness. His hand is in all goodness.
Chassie Cox [00:14:29]:
So therapy is goodness to me. It saved my life, truly, in many ways, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually, too.
Carla Arges [00:14:38]:
Yes, all good gifts are from above, and therapy is a good gift, and medication can be a good gift. And sure, we can have conversations about over medicating and people are quick to do the pills and all of that. And certainly there needs to be responsibility and ethics and knowledge and all of that. But in and of itself, medication and therapy is a gift. And we so readily accept that if the therapy is physiotherapy for an injury or the medication is chemotherapy for cancer, we don't approach it with the same spiritualization as we do when it comes to the mind and the psyche and all of that.
Chassie Cox [00:15:26]:
Yeah. And I think we forget the mind is separate from the spirit too fully. Like, the body is separate from the spirit. And we have to really remember that. Like, yes, you can have the spiritual tools which are praying to God and, you know, thinking of him, being conscious of him and studying your, the word, right, the scriptures and things like that. But what about the body? The body hasn't been taught how to feel these big emotions that God has given us with the opposition in all things. And so that's why I like to tell my clients, especially christian clients, I'm like, I'm supporting you with, with connecting that mind and spirit back to the body, because the body is a tool that you haven't fully learned how to use yet on this world, in this earth. And that's what I'm helping you.
Carla Arges [00:16:08]:
I like that perspective. Like, you're not a failure. You just haven't learned these skills yet. And once you learn these skills, like, it's okay to be a student of yourself, it's okay to be a beginner. It's okay to recognize, hey, this didn't come built in with the manual. I've got to learn it, right? And there's so much about the human experience where that is true. Motherhood in itself is such a great example. Like, we don't know what, we don't know what we're doing at first.
Chassie Cox [00:16:37]:
We still don't. Still don't. Yeah, exactly.
Carla Arges [00:16:43]:
So how has God redeemed your story? I always love seeing how God does that, because in my personal experience, he takes the pain, he takes what was meant to harm us, and he beautifully turns it into purpose. And how have you seen God do that in your life and maybe even in your clients lives?
Chassie Cox [00:17:07]:
Yeah, I. I truly believe that life is forever. And after this life, we take our relationships and we take our families and we will see them again and we'll have this eternal life. And to me, I feel like that's what we're redeeming, is these relationships, and not just on earth, but in heaven. And I'm going to get a little teary eyed, and I think that's why it's my purpose. And motherhood drew me down this trauma healing journey in the nervous system. But really, the end goal is so that you can heal trauma, to see people as Jesus sees them, and to love others for exactly who they are, including your relationship with your, in your marriages, your partnerships, your mom, your dad, your all these people who have hurt you with their own pain and their own trauma. And so my purpose in the redeemingness that I felt and seen is like, yes, all these tools help in motherhood, and it calms down our nervous system, and we find joy and light again and happiness and presence but really, you're a hundred times better mom when you go through this work, because you can see your children for exactly who they are, not who you want them to be or desire them to be, and love them no matter what.
Chassie Cox [00:18:19]:
And especially as they grow into teenagers in adulthood, which I'm not quite there yet. I only have a 13 year old. My oldest is 13. But also I can see others around me and love each one of them for exactly who they are. And a lot of times you hear the. There's a word like trauma lens. I call it Jesus lens. So I can see people as Jesus would see them and love them for exactly where they're at, not where I expect them to be.
Chassie Cox [00:18:42]:
But I first have to do that with myself and have that consciousness and presence with myself and see myself as Jesus sees me in God before I can give that to others.
Carla Arges [00:18:52]:
Yes, I love that it's really taking, you know, the lies that trauma tells us and those core beliefs that trauma form about who we are and who God is and who the world is, and healing them with that Jesus lens and really then rooting our identity in Christ and who he is said we are and who he's calling us to be in this moment. You know, I love that you are getting mothers at that early stage, because I know for not just growing up in a christian home, but the generation of my parents, I'm a little bit older than you. The generation of my parents is like, you didn't talk about this stuff. You didn't get help. And therefore. Therefore, my parents trauma inevitably became my trauma. And without me doing the work, my trauma would become my son's. And not that my son will be trauma free.
Carla Arges [00:19:48]:
I think trauma touches all of us. We live in a broken world. I'm not his savior. I can't save him from his own experience of trauma. But by doing the work myself, I can hopefully not be the cause or at least not pass down that generational trauma. Did you notice a shift in how you mothered after the fifth and doing your healing versus after the first 110.
Chassie Cox [00:20:22]:
Or 180, I guess, is what we can say.
Carla Arges [00:20:24]:
Yeah, a full turnaround.
Chassie Cox [00:20:27]:
Yeah, full turnaround. And even my kids now are like, we're just so glad, mom, that you're a coach that you can help us with, because I have a couple of kids with anxiety, and I can guide them and support them in that. But, like, my whole entire motherhood journey changed. And I actually go to bed at night knowing I did my best each and every day, even when it's not been my best because I know how to repair. I know why I was triggered, I know why I responded negatively or positively to my kids. And it just changed my whole entire journey of motherhood. Knowing, like you mentioned, I'm trying. I broke the.
Chassie Cox [00:21:00]:
The trauma, the generational cycle, and I'm breaking these patterns and I'm doing my best to not pass it on to my kids. But if they do, because of this broken world, have their own trauma, I'm okay with even them coming forward and being like, this was caused by my mom, right? Like, this happened with my mom. Or also, like, if they need therapy and coaching, then please go get therapy and coaching. But knowing that I did my best as a mom, but not just that, as a guide in this life for them, I think we forget that, but, you know, I'm just a guide for my kids. Like, I came just one, you know, 20 years before them or whatever, and so I'm just a guide. And yes, I'm their mother, and I get to nurture them and love them and have this bond and this connection that will last forever. But I'm also truly feel like God has chosen each one of these moms and each one of you listening here that you're exactly. To be with the child that you're supposed to have to guide them through this world.
Carla Arges [00:21:52]:
Yeah. And we have to have compassion for ourselves because this is our first time living this life. Right. We're growing up alongside our kids, growing up like, we're still learning and development, developing. So I think there's this balance of having compassion for ourselves, but also taking responsibility for our healing. So while our pain may not have been our fault, our healing really does become our responsibility for generations to come. Yep.
Chassie Cox [00:22:24]:
Exactly. Exactly.
Carla Arges [00:22:26]:
So what about the woman listening, whose kids are grown and she didn't do the work, she didn't have you when she was in her postpartum. I know the answer to this, but I'd love to hear your perspective. Is it too late for her? What does she do now?
Chassie Cox [00:22:45]:
Yeah, it's never too late. It's never too late. There are so many benefits. And your life can change even tomorrow, today, if you choose to do this healing work and take that responsibility to take it on, and you can actually evolve and change, I think we forget we can change any moment of any day, every single week. And you can truly change the relationship with your children that are grown up and have their own children, and now they have their grandchildren and great grandchildren. You can still change and break that generational cycle by doing this work. And, yeah, never too late. So, yeah, get out there.
Chassie Cox [00:23:22]:
Don't be afraid to come to us for your healing. That's right.
Carla Arges [00:23:26]:
What's that expression? You're not a tree. Get up and move. Like, do the work. You're actually not stuck. You may feel stuck, but get a guide, get a therapist, get a coach, get. Get help. Because on the other side of that and that hard work is freedom. Freedom for you and freedom for your family.
Carla Arges [00:23:49]:
But I have just so enjoyed our conversation. Where can people find you? How do they get involved with brave, like a mother? What are all the details?
Chassie Cox [00:24:00]:
Okay, so Instagram is the best place to find me at the postpartum nanny, all lowercase. I currently have one on one coaching. I have spots open up that every month. It's a three to six month program, depending on needs and things like that. And then I also have a course that's coming out beginning of August. And this is with the brave mother method, teaching you how to self heal. It's called the postpartum. Postpartum healing course.
Chassie Cox [00:24:24]:
Just keeping it simple.
Carla Arges [00:24:25]:
Amazing.
Chassie Cox [00:24:26]:
And it's just, yeah, postpartum coming out in August. So be on the lookout for that.
Carla Arges [00:24:31]:
Self paced course, and we'll get all the links and put them in the show notes. So thank you so much for being here. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and your encouragement. And it has been a blessing to me to get to know you. And so people follow. Follow the postpartum nanny. Thank you again so much for being here.
Carla Arges [00:24:51]:
You are a joy, and I can't wait to see how your course goes and how everything goes for you.
Chassie Cox [00:24:58]:
Thank you so much, Carla. Have a great one.
Carla Arges [00:25:03]:
Thanks for joining me today. I hope we're already friends on social media, but for or not, come find me on Instagram at Carla Arges or at affirming truth. Can't wait to see you back here next week. Bye, friends.