S10.15 | Forgiving Yourself: How to Release Shame and Walk in Freedom
In this personal episode, Carla opens up about her own journey of self-forgiveness—especially in the aftermath of trauma, fear, and hard choices made as a teen. As a Christian mental health coach, she sees this struggle often in her clients: the inability to forgive oneself even after receiving God’s forgiveness.
Carla walks you through the emotional and spiritual layers of shame, regret, and condemnation and shows you how to begin releasing that burden. She shares the biblical truths that set her free and will do the same for you. If you’ve ever felt unworthy of God’s forgiveness—or your own—this episode is a must-listen.
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Key Takeaways
This episode tackles one of the most paralyzing issues many Christian women face—self-forgiveness. Carla shares her own raw testimony of shame and trauma and reveals how misunderstanding God's forgiveness kept her stuck in condemnation. If you've been carrying guilt or shame, this episode is your invitation to lay it down and walk in the freedom Christ already secured for you.
Shame Is a Strategy of the Enemy:
The enemy uses shame to keep us isolated, insecure, and ineffective. But through Christ, shame has no authority over your identity.
God’s Forgiveness Is Complete—Ours Should Be Too:
If the perfect and holy God has declared you forgiven through Jesus, you have no right to withhold that forgiveness from yourself.
You Can Learn to Forgive Yourself Practically and Spiritually:
Carla walks through four steps to begin this healing journey: accepting God's forgiveness, challenging the lies, making amends if needed, and releasing the burden.
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Connect With Carla:
Foundations to Healing—-> https://www.carlaarges.com/foundations-of-healing
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Check out the blog
Resources:
5 Steps to Building Resiliency
Affirming Truths Facebook Community
5 Tips for Overcoming a Negative Body Image
Who You Say I Am Biblical Affirmation Cards
TRANSCRIPT
Happy Easter Monday, friends! I’m so excited to bring you today’s episode. This is actually my second or third attempt to record because there have been some technical difficulties, but I believe the enemy doesn’t want you to hear this message. We’ve just come off a weekend reflecting on Jesus’ sacrifice and celebrating His resurrection—what that means for our salvation, forgiveness of sins, and reconciliation back to God.
As a Christian mental health coach, I work with clients one-on-one, and one of the most common struggles I see is the difficulty in forgiving ourselves. This is something I’ve personally struggled with as well, particularly in one area of my life. Self-forgiveness is complex, and often intertwined with regret, shame, guilt, trauma, mental illness, and sometimes a misunderstanding of God’s forgiveness. The enemy loves to keep us in condemnation, but we know in Christ, there is no condemnation (Romans 8:1).
Why Is It So Hard to Forgive Ourselves?
Forgiving yourself is closely tied to shame, and shame is one of the enemy’s favorite tools to isolate us. If he can keep us in shame, he keeps us from walking in God’s full purpose for our lives. This is a top strategy for the enemy, and sadly, he doesn’t have to work too hard, because in our human nature, we are prone to shame.
When we look at the very beginning, in the Garden of Eden, after Adam and Eve ate the fruit, they recognized their nakedness and felt shame. That shame tries to speak into our identity, keeping us from living empowered the way God designed us to—fully aligned with His purpose and free in Christ.
My Personal Struggle with Self-Forgiveness
I want to share a bit of my personal story. It’s a tender topic, and while I’ve made great progress, it’s still something I’m healing from. I lived on my own starting at 14, turned to drugs and alcohol to numb my pain, and had two teenage pregnancies that ended in abortion. This was not an easy decision, and it was filled with fear, panic, and deep despair. The trauma of those experiences is still something I work on healing today.
For many years, I couldn’t forgive myself. Shame and self-loathing held me back. I distanced myself from community because I feared judgment. I questioned my worth, feeling unqualified to do the work God had called me to. But what kept me stuck was the belief that God forgives others, but my sin was too big for God to forgive.
The Truth of God's Forgiveness
But here’s the truth: Nothing is too big for God’s forgiveness. The shed blood of Jesus on the cross is more powerful than any of our sins. In Psalm 103:12, it says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” When we repent, God washes our sins away, and we are made new in Christ.
When God looks at you, He sees you blameless, spotless, and dearly loved. Nothing, not even the darkest parts of your past, can separate you from His love.
The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
In Matthew 18, there’s a powerful parable about forgiveness. A king forgives a servant who owes him an immense debt, one that the servant could never repay. The king, in his mercy, completely forgives the debt. But then, the servant goes to a fellow servant who owes him far less and demands repayment, even throwing him into prison.
When the king hears this, he is furious, asking the servant, "I forgave you so much, yet you couldn’t forgive so little?"
If the perfect, holy God of the universe can forgive us, who are we to withhold forgiveness from ourselves? By what authority do we override God’s forgiveness? We must forgive ourselves because God has already forgiven us.
Steps to Forgiving Yourself
Accept God’s Forgiveness: The first step to forgiving yourself is accepting the forgiveness God has already extended to you. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Challenge the Lies of the Enemy: We must confront the negative thought patterns and lies of the enemy that keep us stuck in self-condemnation. When the thoughts arise that say, “You’re awful” or “You’ll never be forgiven,” remind yourself of the truth: “But for Christ, I am redeemed. I am loved. I am a joint heir with Christ.”
Make Amends if Necessary: If your inability to forgive yourself is tied to something you’ve done to someone else, seek reconciliation. Apologize and ask for forgiveness where needed, but remember that you can’t control whether or not others accept your apology. What matters is your repentance before God.
Release the Burden: For years, I carried the weight of my past decisions. But God says in Matthew 11:28, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” We need to release the burden of shame and trust that God will carry it for us.
Walk in Your Identity in Christ: Your identity is not bound by your sin. In Christ, you are part of a royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9), wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and beloved by God. Walk in that truth, and declare it over your life every day.
Moving Forward in Freedom
Forgiving yourself may not be easy, and it may not happen overnight. But as you take steps of faith and continue to affirm your new identity in Christ, you will walk in the freedom He has already given you. Release the shame, walk boldly in the forgiveness God has extended to you, and trust that His grace is sufficient.
If you need guidance on how to practically work through this, book a free discovery call with me. As a Christian Mental Health Coach and Certified Trauma Practitioner, I integrate scripture, science, and somatics to help women heal and thrive—even in the face of trauma and mental illness.