S10.09 | Biblical Insights on Setting Healthy Boundaries
In today's episode, we delve into a topic that many listeners have been reaching out about—boundaries, and specifically, if they are biblical. Carla shares insights on how boundaries can coexist with biblical teachings, drawing from various examples, such as creation and the Ten Commandments, to illustrate how God himself modeled healthy boundaries.
She addresses common concerns about how to honor relationships while maintaining boundaries and reassures us that love and boundaries are not mutually exclusive. Tune in as Carla offers guidance on establishing healthy boundaries in personal relationships, and how they are essential for nurturing our faith and walking in God's truth
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Key Takeaways
Understanding Boundaries and Their Purpose:
Boundaries facilitate healthy relationships by promoting healthy conflict, love, and communication. They are not meant to build walls, manipulate, or avoid necessary conversations.
Biblical Examples of Boundaries:
Carla highlights examples from the Bible where God established boundaries, such as in creation, with Adam and Eve, the Ten Commandments, and through the actions of Jesus.
The Coexistence of Love and Boundaries:
Love and boundaries are not mutually exclusive, but rather, they coexist to nurture healthy relationships as exemplified by God's own actions.
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Resources:
5 Steps to Building Resiliency
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5 Tips for Overcoming a Negative Body Image
Who You Say I Am Biblical Affirmation Cards
TRANSCRIPT
Carla Arges [00:00:08]:
Hey friends, welcome to Affirming Truths. I'm your friend and host, Carla Arges. This show is a safe place to share our struggles, grow in faith, and root our identity in Christ. My hope is that you will leave each episode feeling encouraged in your journey. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode.
Carla Arges [00:00:27]:
And it would mean the world to.
Carla Arges [00:00:28]:
Me if you would leave a review. I am so glad you're here. Let's get started.
Carla Arges [00:00:35]:
Hey friends, welcome to another episode of Affirming Truths. It is Carla here, your friend, your host, your cheerleader, your coach, and I'm just so happy that you have joined me today. Now we're going to talk about something that I have talked about a couple of times on the podcast, but it keeps coming up. I keep getting asked questions from my clients on my Instagram about boundaries, specifically in the area of Are they actually biblical? If we are supposed to honor our father and mother, how can we put up boundaries? If we're supposed to turn the other cheek, how do boundaries fit in that? If we are supposed to forgive one another, can we still have boundaries in that? What about loving your neighbor? Does boundaries exist in the context of love? I get a lot of these questions and I sense that people are really wrestling with this and so I wanted to chat about it with you and really bring in some biblical examples of how God has modeled healthy boundaries for us. Now, the key word here is healthy. Healthy boundaries. Boundaries are not meant to build a wall and keep people out and isolate yourself. Boundaries are not meant to be a manipulation tool to get your way.
Carla Arges [00:02:08]:
Boundaries are not meant to to avoid hard conversations that need to be had. That's not the purpose of boundaries. Boundaries exist so that we can enjoy healthy relationship where we can have healthy conflict, healthy love, healthy communication. Boundaries are all about facilit facilitating healthy loving relationship and God is the author and creator of boundaries. We see this time and time again and I'm just going to quickly go through five examples of boundaries in the Bible and there are more. And I say quickly because here we are still struggling with my lungs and my throat and my voice and I want to make sure that I can add as much in here as possible before my lungs give out. So let's jump right in. The first example we see of God creating boundaries is in creation itself.
Carla Arges [00:03:14]:
In Genesis 1 we read about how God separated the atmosphere from the land and the oceans from the dry land. God created boundaries in how he created the earth so the earth could function in harmony. God created boundaries with Adam and eve in Genesis 2:17 we see the boundary that they could eat of any tree in the Garden of Eden except the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. God created a boundary. And even in those two examples, before I get to the other ones, we see that when boundaries are crossed, negative things happen. We see that in nature when the oceans, tsunamis, for example, come onto dry land, it creates disaster. When boundaries are crossed, bad things happen. We see from Adam and Eve, when they crossed the boundary of staying away from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, they had to be removed from the Garden of Eden.
Carla Arges [00:04:31]:
They lost the type of relationship they had enjoyed with God because sin had entered in and created distance. God had to remove them and put angels at watch to make sure that they did not come back into the Garden of eden. In Exodus 20, we see God through Moses, delivering the Ten Commandments to the Israelites. Well, what are the purpose of the Ten Commandments? The Ten Commandments are examples of boundaries. Here is the boundary in which you can have healthy relationship with God. Here's the boundaries where you can have healthy relationship with God. When you are in those boundaries, the relationship flourishes. And we see when the Israelites crossed those boundaries that they had separation from God.
Carla Arges [00:05:25]:
And there was consequences and it was hard. God didn't cease from being loving. God didn't cease from being faithful. God didn't cease from keeping his promises. But at the point of a boundary being crossed, there was consequences that resulted in some temporary separation. This is an example that God gives us. And it's not just in the Old Testament. In the New Testament, in Luke 4, 28, 30, we see how the people in the synagogue were angry with Jesus and they wanted to go and push him over a cliff.
Carla Arges [00:06:04]:
They wanted to kill him. Jesus did not let people harm him until his appointed time. At his desire, his will, his plan, his purpose for the cross. He did not allow people to harm him. That doesn't mean he didn't love them. It doesn't mean that he wasn't willing to heal them, doesn't mean he wasn't willing to forgive them. But he had a boundary where he would not allow himself to be harmed. And we see even with his mom in Mark 3, his mom and his brothers come and call for him and want him to come out of the house where he is preaching.
Carla Arges [00:06:46]:
He did not bend to his mother's will. There's all indication in how Jesus responded that what his mom was doing was inappropriate. There's every indication that she was disrupting his ministry or trying to undermine him. What she was doing was inappropriate. And Jesus didn't go and validate that behavior. He said no. And he continued to do his father's work. It wasn't that he didn't love his mom.
Carla Arges [00:07:17]:
He loved his mom. Look at the care he made for her to make sure she was taken care of by John while he was dying on the cross. He looked out for her. He still honored her the way God calls us to honor her. But he held a boundary to maintain appropriate behavior and healthy relationship. And so this is God's example to us, with our toxic parents, with our toxic siblings, with an overbearing boss, with a difficult neighbor. We are called to boundaries because we are called to emulate Jesus. We are image bearers of the Lord of God.
Carla Arges [00:08:06]:
We are actually called to nurture healthy relationships. We are called to nurture healthy relationships. And as demonstrated by God himself, healthy relationships have boundaries. They have boundaries. And one of the things that I do with my clients is I help teach them what are the appropriate boundaries to create, how to communicate them in a loving way, how to enforce them in a loving way, how to deal with consequences. This is something that I coach my clients through because I know it is so difficult when the feelings are so raw and the relationships are so raw to put this into place. And often people who need the boundaries will guilt us or shame us, or try to manipulate us or gaslight us about our boundaries. So it's so important that we hold firm to them having confidence and faith that we are still being God's hands and feet.
Carla Arges [00:09:20]:
My affirming truth for you today is love and boundaries are not mutually exclusive. You can do both. You can love and honor and forgive and hold to a boundary of healthy relationships. In Titus 3:10, we read as for a person who stirs up division after warning him once and then twice have nothing more to do with him. Now, I know the context here is in church family, but the same thing applies to real family or to a work family or to any other relationship. If someone is stirring up, division, is causing you harm, and after warning them they do not stop their behavior, then it is important to stick to a firm boundary. Love and boundaries can coexist. Boundaries, healthy boundaries, communicated and executed in the right way are actually biblical.
Carla Arges [00:10:28]:
So I want to encourage you today to think, are there relationships that are not operating in a healthy way that need healthy boundaries? How can you lean into that? How can you communicate that and enforce that? How can you ask God for wisdom and discernment in navigating that right now? Because boundaries are not sinful. Boundaries are actually a gift. I'll talk to you next time.
Carla Arges [00:11:03]:
Thanks for joining me today. I hope we're already friends on social media, but for not, come find me on Instagram at Carla Arges or at Affirming Truth. Can't wait to see you back here next week. Bye friends.