S4 Bonus | Marriage Talks with Terry: Sex and Intimacy

Dec 22

Carla’s husband Terry braves today’s marriage conversation by diving into the topic of sex and intimacy.

Are they the same thing? Have we been conditioned to think that happy marriages are defined by how often sex happens? What if sex is an issue - can there still be intimacy and a thriving marriage?

Come join the conversation!

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Expectations vs Reality

Intimacy looks different for every married couple. Even individuals enter marriage with different expectations from one another!

Carla experienced perceived rejection, based on her expectations and Terry experienced a perceived sense of failure. Carla’s unrealistic expectations (not driven by desire) coupled with Terry’s fear led to long-time dissatisfaction.

The Breakthrough

Carla realized Terry’s fear had nothing to do with her ability to be loved! And Terry found he didn’t have to feel ashamed to be open about sex and intimacy.

Intimacy does not necessarily come naturally! There is a learning curve that includes communication and vulnerability.

Carla also realized that she didn’t approach intimacy holistically, but compartmentalized sex. When they both looked at it as a whole, this is also when things began to change. She needed mental & emotional intimacy more than she needed sex and when she was able to identify and communicate it, their marriage flourished.

Terry shares how it took time for him to learn how to love his wife the ways that she needed.

Sex as Affirmation & True Intimacy

There’s a lie in comparison of sex lives. More sex does not equal more love. Sex is not a sustainable foundation for marriage.

Sex is just one of many expressions of love. If sex is where you derive love and place emphasis on your marriage, you are missing out on true intimacy.

Intimacy in the little moments is often underrated and intentional intimacy is so important! Find ways to be intentional, and learn what your partner needs to feel love.

How can a wife promote intimacy without rejection?

Open lines of communication and ask “what’s going on?” - many men internalize the stress of life, career, and leading their families. Give your husband the opportunity to be vulnerable and transparent.
Understand that not every man’s sex drive is the same. They also may be dealing with other factors in their sexuality. If you have concerns, be open and honest and be willing to seek professional help.