S6 Bonus 7 | When Life Isn’t What you Expected: 4 Steps To Moving On
Life certainly didn’t pan out as Carla imagined it would.
There was trauma, mental illness, homelessness, wounds and chaos.
She could have never imagined that her life would turn out drastically different then her vision. But as God got a hold of her pain - it turned out better.
Hear the 4 steps Carla took to go from living a life she didn’t expect as a BAD thing - to living a life she didn’t expect as a GOD thing.
Need support in overcoming your own anger issue? Carla’s signature 1:1 coaching program - The 4 Pillars of Thriving - is now available! Book a discovery call to find out more.
1. Grieve and Let Go
It's okay to mourn the life you envisioned. Acknowledge the pain, sadness, and unmet expectations. Grieving allows healing and opens the door to new possibilities.
2. Seek God's Will for Your Current Season
Shift your focus from what you lack to what God has planned for you in this season. Embrace His will, allowing Him to guide your steps. Be open and willing to follow His direction.
3. Practice Gratitude
Develop a heart of gratitude by recognizing God's fingerprints in your life. Despite challenges, there are blessings to be thankful for. Cultivate a thankful spirit to shift your perspective.
4. Take Action and Move Forward
Don't stand still; take intentional steps towards God's plan. Identify areas where you can bring life, share your testimony, or pursue projects aligned with His purpose. Move forward in faith.
Connect With Carla:
Inquire about 1:1 coaching ---> carlaagreswellness@gmail.com
Join In His Image Wellness Collective ---> carlaargeswellness@gmail.com
Come hangout on IG with me @carlaarges
Check out the blog
TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00] Carla: Hey friends, welcome to Affirming Truths. I'm your friend and host, Carla Arges. This show is a safe place to share our struggles, grow in faith, and root our identity in Christ. My hope is that you will leave each episode feeling encouraged in your journey. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode and it would mean the world to me if you would leave a review.
[00:00:30] Carla: I am so glad you're here.
[00:00:36] Carla: Hey friends, welcome to this week's bonus episode. I am going to be sharing with you four tips that I share and personalize for my coaching clients when they are struggling because they actually thought their life was going to look different. They're living a life different than what their [00:01:00] expectations were and that can be hard before we dive into that, though.
[00:01:04] Carla: I am so excited. I am hosting and facilitating an incredible 1 hour webinar on June 8th called. Habits for healing. I am partnering with two other amazing Christian coaches who have experience in trauma and, um, poor relationship with food and mental health and how we can create habits for healing in our everyday life.
[00:01:32] Carla: We're coming together, we're joining forces. We are going to be giving you practical tips and tools you can walk away from. Plus, there will be door prizes, so many good stuff, Bible study guides, affirmation cards, books, Starbucks gift cards, all, all the door prizes, all the good stuff. It's going to be so valuable, but you have to register so you can get the link.
[00:01:58] Carla: It's a virtual webinar. [00:02:00] Um, the, I'm going to put the link for registration in the show notes. I hope to see you there. It's going to be amazing. Habits for healing. You're going to get practical tools and a chance to win some cool door prizes. So check out the show notes, register. I can't wait to see you then.
[00:02:19] Carla: Alright, so, you thought your life was going to look a certain way, and I get that. And then, trauma hits, life takes an unexpected turn, you start to deal with an undiagnosed mental illness, financial trouble, infidelity. We have this vision as we grow up of what life's going to look like. And then we go through a storm.
[00:02:54] Carla: And that storm kind of rips away our dream. It exposes us. [00:03:00] And it leaves us feeling, oftentimes, helpless, defeated. And unable to live the life of meaning we had envisioned for ourselves. Does that resonate with any one of you listening today? I know that that was sure me for sure. Um, I had this idea that, you know, I thought it was going to go into advertising.
[00:03:27] Carla: I was going to be like this jet setter, advertiser, I was going to have two kids and a wonderful husband and like just life was going to be great. That's what I thought. That's what I thought. But instead I I dealt with suicide and I dealt with homelessness and I dealt with trauma and sexual abuse and just devastation.
[00:03:58] Carla: I, I [00:04:00] struggled with knowing and trusting that God was good. I, I struggled with undiagnosed mental illness that led to all of these things. I suffered with childhood trauma. My life was not looking. the way I thought it would look. Even after my prodigal days and I returned to the Lord and worked through healing, my life did not look the way I thought it would look.
[00:04:31] Carla: Now, I have joy and peace in the way my life looks now, but that's because I did the work to get here and maybe you're not here yet. Maybe you're still in the, now what God, this was not supposed to be how my story went. This was not supposed to be my life. And I get that. And I want to give you four things that you can do to move out of that place [00:05:00] of defeat.
[00:05:01] Carla: Regret, maybe wishful thinking, and into a place. of joy and purpose and, and resilience in the life that you have now in front of you. Because here's the thing, friend, God has promised you a hope and a future. And just because your life right now. Does not look like you, you had imagined, does not mean God is done with your life yet.
[00:05:31] Carla: He is going to bring purpose. He has hope. He is a God that restores and redeems. And can I tell you from experience from my own life, he has taken my pain and wasted none of it and given me meaning in my pain. He's given me purpose in my pain. He's given me kingdom assignment from my pain. God wastes nothing.
[00:05:56] Carla: He has a plan and purpose over your life that the [00:06:00] circumstances, the trauma, the pain that you have faced cannot snatch from your hand. The promise that God has placed over your life to have purpose. It cannot snatch from your hand what God has promised for your life. And I want you to hold on to that.
[00:06:21] Carla: But here are four things. That you can walk through and journey through to help you get from, gosh, this is not the life I thought I was living in the negative to, gosh, this is not the life I thought I would be living to the positive. You can get there, but the first thing you have, you have to do, and this is one thing that it took me a while to do, and you can't skip this step.
[00:06:50] Carla: You have to grieve. You have to grieve. I tried to skip this step, but the ignored grief kept coming back, and it [00:07:00] wasn't until I dealt with the grief could, then I could move on to the next steps. You have to grieve. It's okay to be sad over things that you lost because of your trauma. It's okay to be sad over the future.
[00:07:15] Carla: You thought you were going to have, that's okay. There's no shame in that feeling. There's no condemnation in that feeling. God, isn't mad at you for feeling that way. He understands you have to grieve. You have to get to a place where you can say goodbye to that. Know that it's something that you wanted, that you envisioned, that you daydreamed about, that you hoped for, and grieve it.
[00:07:44] Carla: Just like you would have to grieve any other kind of loss. When I realized that because of my bipolar and my borderline that I was never going to be able to have the career I envisioned, that I was not [00:08:00] capable actually of having children beyond Caleb. Um, because of the, the, the mental health effects that pregnancy and postpartum had on me.
[00:08:12] Carla: When I realized that my family was not going to look like how it was going to look and my career was not going to look like how it looked, like I had to grieve, I had to grieve. I had to sit with the sadness. I had to name it. I had to turn it over to God and let him walk through the grief with me and heal my heart in that.
[00:08:37] Carla: So friend, I want to encourage you, grieve what you thought would be, grieve what you've lost, and then, Go on to the second thing. Seek God's will for where you are. Grieve where you thought you would be, but then seek God's will where [00:09:00] you are. Because God has a will for you. And when we are too busy looking at what we don't have, we can't see What God wants us to have.
[00:09:15] Carla: And can I tell you, His will is better. His will is better. I thought what I wanted, that big advertising career would be best and be awesome. But you know what? I have so much purpose and so much joy in this podcast, in the coaching, in the work that I get to do through Affirming Truths. This, that God is laying out for me is so much better than I could have laid out for myself.
[00:09:49] Carla: So seek God's will in the season that you're in right now, in the place that you're in right now. Lord, how can you redeem this? Spot. How can you [00:10:00] redeem the season? How can you use me here where I am? Be willing. Be open. God, here I am, your servant. I am willing to go. Where would you have me go? Where would you lead me?
[00:10:16] Carla: 3. I want you to practice gratitude. And I know that sounds cliche. I know that sounds cliche. But in the midst of your life that looks different than you thought, there are things to be grateful for. And as you start to hear from God his will, as he starts to direct your steps, there's things to be grateful for.
[00:10:40] Carla: You get so much joy out of your life when you can see the blessings and, and the things that require Thanksgiving in your life. Cause here's the thing. God's fingerprints are all over your life right now in the life. In the life that you are grieving, in the [00:11:00] life that you are dissatisfied with, God is at work and His fingerprints are on your life.
[00:11:06] Carla: And that deserves a heart posture of gratitude. We are to praise always. We are to pray always. We are to give thanksgiving always. So in our worship, in our prayer, thanksgiving, glory, gratitude. And see how that changes your perspective, see how it changes your vision, see how it changes your heart for where you are, where you are.
[00:11:36] Carla: And the fourth thing I want you to do is to take action. One of the things that I noticed when my clients start working with me is that they are not taking action. They have become complacent or lethargic. Maybe from overwhelm, maybe from despair, but they are standing still. [00:12:00] God wants you to move. When I say God wants you to move, I don't mean sprint.
[00:12:07] Carla: I mean, take that next step of faith forward. You're seeking God's will. You're thanking him for how he's showing up. Now you're going to move towards his will. Where is he calling you? Who is he encouraging you to talk to and, and bring life giving words to? What dream or project is he placing in your heart?
[00:12:34] Carla: How does he want to restore and redeem the pain that you had? How does he want to turn all that tested you into a testimony to share with others? Because that is how God works. Oftentimes, if not all the time, he takes our past pain and redeems it to a present hope. I am working [00:13:00] today in the field of my past.
[00:13:02] Carla: Pain to bring present hope to those who are still struggling where I once struggled. What is your past pain? How does God want to use it to bring him glory and to redeem it in your life? Now go take that step of faith forward towards what he wants to do with your pain. How he wants to use it, how he wants to redeem it.
[00:13:28] Carla: Are you with me, friend? And if you have trouble with this, you don't have to do it alone. This is why I have my one on one coaching. This is why I come alongside women. This is why I help bring my four pillars of thriving to life in them. You don't have to do it alone. So here it is. Grieve what you've lost.
[00:13:57] Carla: Seek God's will for [00:14:00] where you are. Practice gratitude for how you see him showing up and take action in the direction that he's calling you to. You can do this friend and start living a life you never expected you'd be living because it's so much better because God is designing it. I'll talk to you later.
[00:14:28] Carla: Thanks for joining me today. I hope we're already friends on social media, but if we're not, come find me on Instagram at Carla Arges or at Affirming Truth. Can't wait to see you back here next week. Bye friends!