S.3 BONUS - Marriage, Betrayal and Trauma with Sandy Botembo

Jun 2

In this episode Carla is joined by betrayal coach Sandy Botembo, who bravely shares her experience with betrayal trauma and sex addiction in her marriage - and how she is finding hope and healing.

Key Takeaways:

Carla introduces her friend and trauma coach, Sandy Botembo. Sandy shares about her marriage, family, and certifications and experience as a trauma & betrayal coach.
Sandy shares her own story of overcoming betrayal in her marriage.
Sandy shares how, especially at the time of her betrayal, the subject of sexual sin was taboo. Carla asks her “why”. Sandy shares that it’s not for lack of desire amongst the church to help, but the lack of resources available to church leaders to come alongside members.
Carla asks what betrayal trauma looks like. Sandy shares how lies, manipulation, and gaslighting take a toll on worth and self-confidence, causing shame and depression and anxiety and feelings of disorientation and total lack of safety.
Carla asks Sandy how such a destructive experience drew her closer to God. Sandy talks about how knew He was the only one who could heal her.
Carla asks Sandy what it means to grieve well - Sandy shares that she journalled everything she lost, and spent time grieving each loss. Then she would let that loss go, and give it to God.
Carla shares that you “have to feel it in order to heal it” and that avoiding grief actually allows grief to grow.
Carla asks Sandy how she was able to navigate restoration in her marriage. Sandy shares that it wasn’t easy to stay! She declared that she found “When God gives me the purpose, then I can work through the process.” She had faith in the bigger picture, even when she could only see pieces. She had faith that God was going to turn her pain into something beautiful.
Carla asks Sandy if she is seeing glimpses of the Gateway of Hope promised to her. Sandy says YES! Seeing purpose in healing in groups and individuals she has encountered as a coach.
Carla asks Sandy what she would say to a woman walking through a season of dealing with betrayal.

Sandy shares that a hard, but important step, is to share the betrayal with a safe person as this is too much to carry on your own!
She also says to seek help - don’t stop until you get trauma-informed help - a certified sex addiction specialist and a coach or therapist that works with couple so you can walk into a recovery process!

Carla shares that your trauma is NOT the end of your story - if it’s not good, then it’s not done.She also shares that we are not meant to deal with our pain alone and stay locked in shame alone. God has a purpose, hope, and future for you! He wants to walk you through it to the other side.