S6 EP16 | How Forgiving Yourself Sets You Free
Forgiveness is hard. Especially when we never get an apology.
But as hard as that is, Carla’s personal experience and what she sees working with her client - shows forgiving ONESELF to be the hardest act of forgiveness of all.
Resentment is a prison and the key out of it is forgiveness. Be encouraged to see yourself with compassion - and the love of Christ - in this episode.
1. The Challenge of Self-Forgiveness
Self-forgiveness can be daunting, especially when confronting past mistakes, regrets, and trauma.
Remember that forgiving yourself is an essential step towards healing and spiritual growth.
2. Biblical Perspective on Forgiveness
Ephesians 4:32 underscores the need to forgive others, and this principle extends to self-forgiveness.
Unresolved resentment and unforgiveness can detrimentally affect your overall well-being.
3. The Prison of Resentment
Resentment is a self-imposed prison with detrimental physical and emotional consequences.
Prioritize releasing bitterness and unforgiveness for your holistic well-being.
4. Self-Forgiveness as an Act of Worship
Embrace self-forgiveness as an act of worship to God, acknowledging His grace and redemption.
See your journey of self-forgiveness as an opportunity for spiritual growth.
5. Practical Steps Toward Self-Forgiveness
Write a letter to yourself detailing areas of bitterness and unforgiveness; then, choose to forgive each one.
Self-forgiveness is an ongoing decision that requires actively rejecting self-condemnation.
Affirming Truth
I will release resentment as worship to God and lean into forgiveness and obedience.
Key Scripture:
Ephesians 4:32
Connect With Carla:
Inquire about 1:1 coaching ---> carlaagreswellness@gmail.com
Join In His Image Wellness Collective ---> carlaargeswellness@gmail.com
Come hangout on IG with me @carlaarges
Check out the blog
TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00] Carla: Hey friends, welcome to Affirming Truths. I'm your friend and host, Carla Arges. This show is a safe place to share our struggles, grow in faith, and root our identity in Christ. My hope is that you will leave each episode feeling encouraged in your journey. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode and it would mean the world to me if you would leave a review.
[00:00:30] Carla: I am so glad you're here. Let's get started. Hey friends, welcome to this episode of Affirming Truth. I am sorry you did not get an episode last Thursday. I gotta tell ya, life has been a little crazy this past week. I am in the process of transitioning my parents out of their... Big home where they live into a retirement community down the [00:01:00] street for me And can I tell you buying and selling and having to organize all this for them has been a lot So my apologies on that, but I will tell you this Thursday There's going to be an exciting episode You don't want to miss because it is an interview with my son Caleb All about his trip to Guatemala, which I know many of you supported both with prayers and donations.
[00:01:30] Carla: And so I'm so excited to bring that to you on Thursday. But today, today we are talking about something that has been coming up a lot with the women I coach one on one. And if you didn't know, I do that. I do. You can always book a discovery call with me. That link is always in the show notes. But one thing that has really been coming up a lot is this idea of forgiveness and resentment and [00:02:00] bitterness.
[00:02:00] Carla: Now, forgiveness is not easy. Especially when you are a victim, right? When you're coming out of something horrific, forgiveness is hard. It's especially hard when we don't get to hear the, I'm sorry, will you forgive me? And I have experienced that in my own life with the relationship I have with my parents growing up in a trauma environment and never getting the, I'm sorry, will you forgive me?
[00:02:33] Carla: And learning how to operate in forgiveness as an act of obedience and worship to God and as an act of releasing myself. But here's the kicker. As much as I have been able to forgive others. The hardest person that I've had to forgive, and I see this with my clients. The hardest person I've had to forgive is myself, is [00:03:00] myself and maybe this will resonate with you.
[00:03:03] Carla: Throughout my very volatile growing up with untreated mental illness, decisions I made out of fear when I had no support when I was a teenager and pregnant, things that happened when I was not properly medicated for bipolar and I had a manic episode, I have a long list of. Things that I have had shame over.
[00:03:31] Carla: Behaviors, decisions I've made that have caused me to disdain myself, to hate myself, to loathe myself, to hide in shame. And when I was on this journey of really rooting my identity in Christ and walking in the freedom Calvary. I recognize that one of my biggest stumbling blocks was the resentment and the [00:04:00] bitterness I held towards myself, towards my mental illness, towards the decisions I've made.
[00:04:06] Carla: And in order to truly walk in freedom, I had to learn to forgive myself, you know, in Ephesians 4, 32, we reread, be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave you. And sometimes we operate so much on wanting to extend that outward that we don't extend it inward. Guys, resentment is prison.
[00:04:37] Carla: Forgiveness is freedom, and that includes forgiving yourself. If you truly want to walk in freedom, if you truly want to walk as a whole being in Christ, if you truly want to thrive, even in the midst of an ongoing mental health challenge, you have to forgive yourself [00:05:00] and let go of resentment. Peter asked Jesus, how many times do we forgive?
[00:05:05] Carla: Seven times? And Jesus was like, 77 times! As an example to basically say, infinity and beyond. Forgiveness is an ongoing act that we have to do. And listen, when we harbor unforgiveness, when we harbor bitterness and resentment, That only affects us. It can lead to chronic pain, chronic fatigue, it leads to depression, it can interrupt our sleep, it lowers our immunity, like bitterness really is poison that we drink.
[00:05:41] Carla: And friend, I want to encourage you today. To let go of that. And I know it's hard. Maybe you're saying, Curly, you have no idea what I've done in the past. You have no idea how I operated outside of my values. You have no idea the things that I've thought or the things that I've done. And I don't. [00:06:00] But I can tell you a couple of things.
[00:06:02] Carla: One, you're not alone. I have a long list of things. Drug use, abortion, things that I've caused in my marriage. Like, I have a train wreck behind me, but guess what? Second Corinthians tells me I am a new creation. I am a new creation. I am not defined by those things. You know what I'm defined by? My father.
[00:06:37] Carla: And my father says I am forgiven. If God can forgive me, who am I to hold a grudge against myself, guys? Because really, that requires some ego, if we're honest. Not forgiving ourselves of something that the holy, sovereign God has forgiven us [00:07:00] is some ego. Are we saying that we have higher standards than God?
[00:07:05] Carla: Are we saying that what Jesus did on the cross is not enough? That Jesus is not enough? Because when we deny forgiveness to ourselves, that's what we're saying. That Jesus sacrifice wasn't enough. That God's sovereign decision to extend forgiveness to us is not enough. That is a dangerous place to be because he is more than enough.
[00:07:33] Carla: He is sovereign. Amen. God, Jesus paid it all at Calvary. He has washed us clean. Are you rejecting this gift from God? For what purpose? Self punishment? That's an idea of the enemy. Condemnation? That's an idea of the enemy. Who are you allowing to dictate your life? The enemy [00:08:00] or God? Because when we hold on to bitterness and resentment and unforgiveness against others or ourselves, we are serfing.
[00:08:10] Carla: The enemy, because we are doing his will. No, we want to do God's will. We want to do God's will, and that means forgiving ourselves. That means loving ourselves, not in a self centered way, but in a way that gives God glory and worship as our creator, as our heavenly father, as being someone who is made in his image, as being someone that he deemed worthy and valuable enough to send his son to die.
[00:08:46] Carla: And we're going to say, no, God, but you don't know. You don't know what I've done. He knows. And he paid the price anyways, and he opens his arms to you and he welcomes you in and he has work for [00:09:00] you to do, my friend, he has kingdom work for you to do, he has impact, he wants you to make in the season he's placed you in, in the place he's planted you in.
[00:09:11] Carla: And if you hold on to unforgiveness, if you hold on to bitterness, you are not going to be able to accomplish that which he wants to accomplish in and through you guys. You don't want to deny God that you don't want to deny yourself the blessing of partnering with God for kingdom impact. But when you don't forgive yourself, you cut yourself off from relationship with God and the fullness that it can be.
[00:09:41] Carla: When you hold on to bitterness and resentment against yourself or against your illness, you cut yourself off to all that God has for you in relationship with Him.
[00:09:53] Carla: And there is no easy way to do this. It is a decision and a continual [00:10:00] decision. I have to continually decide to forgive myself when the enemy wants to chirp in my ear, when my past wants to creep up, I have to say, no, I have been forgiven and wiped clean. I reject you common denate and condemnation. And I forgive myself to the glory of God and in obedience to his word, you know, one helpful way to do this.
[00:10:28] Carla: I have found is write yourself a letter, seriously, write yourself a letter listing all the ways that you are bitter and angry and upset with yourself. Write a letter detailing all the ways you've disappointed yourself and then don't end the letter there. Start forgiving yourself for each thing. I forgive myself for this.
[00:10:55] Carla: I have compassion on myself for this. I accept [00:11:00] God's cleansing blood on this. I release bitterness in Jesus name. I lean into forgiveness in Jesus name. I accept that I am washed clean in Jesus name. I surrender to the sovereignty of God who says that I am forgiven, and therefore I forgive myself. Write it all out.
[00:11:25] Carla: Write it all out. It is such a good way to lean into practical forgiveness for yourself. Such a good way. Guys, I want you to hold on to this affirming truth for today. I will release resentment as worship to God and lean into forgiveness and obedience. I'm going to say this again and I want you to repeat it with me if you're struggling in this area.
[00:11:53] Carla: Your affirming truth for today is I will, because I choose to, I will [00:12:00] release resentment as worship to God. Ephesians 2 10 says, for we are God's handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. We are God's handiwork. Who are we to continue to chastise ourselves in an area that God has released us from?
[00:12:28] Carla: We are God's handiwork created in Christ Jesus. We are new in him. The old is gone. And he has prepared us and created us to do good works, but we cannot fully do those good works when we are drinking the poison of bitterness and resentment and condemnation. In order to walk freely in the good works, that kingdom impact that God has designed us for, we need to operate in [00:13:00] forgiveness to others, but really to ourselves as well.
[00:13:06] Carla: This is where I see people hung up the most. You've got to forgive yourself. It's not letting yourself off the hook. It's realizing that a sovereign God has washed you clean. And accepting that beautiful gift, guys, I want to remind you, I have a Bible study course coming out in September, right around the corner.
[00:13:33] Carla: If you struggle getting into the word, if you struggle knowing where to start, if you have this idea of Bible study that you think you can't
[00:13:46] Carla: I want you to get on the wait list so you get not only first access, but the only discount that's going to be given for this Bible study course. It's going to be amazing, and if you need help leaning into [00:14:00] forgiveness, if you need help, letting go of resentment. Reach out book a discovery call. Let's see if we can chat and work through this together Because you were made for more You were made for more and the thing holding you back is your inability To forgive and release bitterness against yourself.
[00:14:22] Carla: God is calling you to obedience in this area Won't you do it? I'll talk to you next time.
[00:14:34] Carla: Thanks for joining me today. I hope we're already friends on social media, but if we're not, come find me on Instagram at Carla Arges or at Affirming Truth. Can't wait to see you back here next week. Bye friends.