S6 Bonus 5 | From Childhood Trauma, to Incarceration to Reclaiming Our Identity in Christ with Donna Sherrie
Join Carla as she talks to Donna - author of Untarnished, Reclaiming my Self Worth - as they talk about overcoming their past to be all that God created them to be.
Donna grew up with a challenging and traumatic childhood and found herself headed down the wrong path that eventually led her to being incarcerated on felony charges.
But God.
Hear how God has redeemed Donna’s story, helped her reclaim her self worth as daughter of the King and led her to helping others do the same.
(trigger warning: mention of molestation)
Connect with Donna here:
Website: Donna Sherrie
Podcast: Untarnished Moments
Book: Untarnished: Reclaiming My Self-Worth Through God's Untainted Love
Instagram: @iamdonnasherrie
Overcoming Childhood Trauma:
Donna Sherrie, the author of Untarnished, shares her journey of overcoming childhood trauma, navigating challenges, and finding redemption in Christ.
Prison and Redemption:
Donna opens up about her experiences, including incarceration, and how God used that time to transform her life. She emphasizes the importance of surrender and forgiveness in the healing process.
From Struggle to Success:
Despite societal challenges and judgments, Donna shares how she rebuilt her life after prison. Her story includes finding a job, getting married, buying a home, and defying societal expectations for individuals with a felony.
A Call to Help Others:
Inspired by her own journey, Donna became a self-worth coach. She encourages women to break the silence around trauma, seek help, and embrace their identity in Christ.
Podcast and Outreach:
Donna highlights the impact of her podcast, Untarnished Moments, as a platform to reach and inspire people globally. It serves as a tool to uplift others and share the transformative power of faith.
Connect With Carla:
Inquire about 1:1 coaching ---> carlaagreswellness@gmail.com
Join In His Image Wellness Collective ---> carlaargeswellness@gmail.com
Come hangout on IG with me @carlaarges
Check out the blog
TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00] Carla: Hey friends, welcome to Affirming Truths. I'm your friend and host, Carla Arges. This show is a safe place to share our struggles, grow in faith, and root our identity in Christ. My hope is that you will leave each episode feeling encouraged in your journey. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode and it would mean the world to me if you would leave a review.
[00:00:30] Carla: I am so glad you're here. Let's get started. Hello Affirming Truths, I am so glad you're here for this Thursday's bonus episode. I cannot wait to have this conversation with the beautiful Donna Sherrie. Uh, Donna is the author of Untarnished. She is the host of Untarnished Moments Podcast. She is a self worth coach, but friends, this didn't [00:01:00] happen to her overnight.
[00:01:01] Carla: She has a backstory, um, of overcoming of God's goodness and just God's redemption story. Hey Donna, how are you? Hey, Carla,
[00:01:13] Donna: I'm doing great. How about you?
[00:01:15] Carla: Not too bad. I am so glad that you're joining me here. I have to say I was intrigued by the little bit that I heard about your story. I was intrigued about the trials that you faced.
[00:01:31] Carla: And yet, In spite of them, or maybe partially motivated by them, you're here in this beautiful space as a self worth coach, helping others to grow into who they are in Christ and their identity in Christ. So why don't you tell us a little bit about you, who Donna is today? And then take us back in time.
[00:01:56] Donna: Absolutely. So, um, all the things that you [00:02:00] just mentioned. Also, I'm a wife and a bonus mom to two grown boys and, um, goodness, those are the things that I, so, um, other than that, I'm a self worth coach, author of untarnished reclaiming my self worth through God's untainted love. It's a memoir for individuals to help them.
[00:02:25] Donna: And I'm just sharing a little bit of my journey of how I overcame some childhood trauma and other things in my life. So, um, with that, so that's who I am now. All these things don't want to get caught up in titles, but before that. I was born and raised in New Jersey and grew up in different environments.
[00:02:47] Donna: And so, um, during that time, there were some challenges just in my family dynamics and, um, things that I experienced growing up, which were just a lot of different hardships and that included [00:03:00] childhood trauma. And so being molested at. A young age before I turned the age of 10 and thinking that that was a normal thing and how my life just progressed just from those reoccurring experiences.
[00:03:16] Donna: And so my mom, she was, she worked a whole lot. And so I won't say that she wasn't involved because I have a very loving and caring mom, but she did work a lot. And so that left me in the hands of myself. It left me in the hands of other family members and just. Being exposed to things that I shouldn't have been throughout my life.
[00:03:37] Donna: Um, and my dad, he didn't live in the home with me, but he was still in my life as well. Um, but he had a whole nother family. He got married. And so I felt like I was really navigating my life. By myself and I kind of had to grow up fast to be an adult and living in New Jersey. I had a brother who was who's seven years younger than me.
[00:03:59] Donna: And so that [00:04:00] responsibility fell on me as well to a certain extent. So I grew up navigating life as a latchkey kid, letting myself in the house by myself and figuring out a lot of things just because I didn't have that parental guidance that I felt that I needed as well as from other people. Um, and also I saw I have a lot of cousins.
[00:04:24] Donna: Um, I come from a very large family. My mom is one of 14. And so I
[00:04:29] Carla: thought Italians had big families. That's
[00:04:32] Donna: a lot. Yeah. Wow. And, um, I have a lot of cousins and When I was living in New Jersey at the time and there was so much going on and in my uncles, my cousin, some of them, the males, like they all had this, they all went to prison.
[00:04:52] Donna: Um, and it was kind of like this badge of honor that you wear in certain neighborhoods or when you're in the street life [00:05:00] that, Hey, if you go to prison or if you're, you're selling drugs or you're doing these kind of gangbanging activities, um, that you get credit for it. And so I never thought that I would go down this path because I do.
[00:05:13] Donna: I've always been a reader, love to read, and, um, I love school and education and things like that. So I always wasn't involved in those areas, but because I had experienced this childhood trauma that left me in this place of my self esteem and allowing, um, People who weren't positive and just different things in my life, which led to promiscuity as a teenager and ultimately getting to this point where I ended up going to college.
[00:05:44] Donna: I made it somehow by the grace of God. I
[00:05:49] Carla: identify with that, the fact that I made it to university with my childhood trauma and my experience. It's, it's exactly what you said only by the grace of God. He [00:06:00] had bigger
[00:06:00] Donna: plans. Yeah. And so I decided to go out of state because my best friend at the time. She went out of state too so I still wanted to be connected to her but we ended up going to different schools.
[00:06:13] Donna: So, um, I was at college excited about it and all these great things. And I met this guy and as a result, um, he was a drug dealer. And so I wasn't necessarily a drug dealer, but I found myself hooking up with a drug dealer and I wanted to be so loved by him and so accepted by him, Carla, that I was willing to go however far I could go in this relationship to get that love and acceptance because I didn't deal with.
[00:06:44] Donna: My past, and of course I didn't realize that at the time, but you know, just throughout the years and the Lord dealing with me when I finally came to that place. Um, that's, that's what I learned. That's why I accepted this person in my life. That's why I wanted to be so [00:07:00] loved and accepted. And also because I had daddy issues too, because my dad wasn't in the home.
[00:07:04] Donna: He was around, but he was also heavily involved in his work. And at the time I never heard him call me beautiful. I mean, he would always tell me he would love me, but he would never say that I was pretty, that I was beautiful. And so I had this image about myself that I was, I was ugly and that I was tarnished and I had so much fear and so much pain and anger, resentment, bitterness, all of those things.
[00:07:27] Donna: And so I was willing to allow this guy to come into my life and, and get him to gravitate towards me and to show him that I was the one. And, and as a result, um, it wasn't what I expected because the one day, the one time that I decided to do something for him, as a result, it got me, um, arrested and ultimately in prison.
[00:07:55] Donna: And so I had no priors, anything like that. And I ended up doing five years [00:08:00] and 10 months at the age of 21. And that was, and that was over. Oh, I guess I could. Yeah, over 10 years ago. Um, but still like that, that left a mark on me that changed my life forever. Absolutely.
[00:08:18] Carla: I mean, and here's the thing that could have changed your life forever in a bunch of different ways.
[00:08:24] Carla: How did you come to realize that The love that you were seeking in the validation that you were seeking and I understand that so much I resonate with so many aspects of your story from my own background, like craving that love, craving that validation, craving that being needed and being seen and being poured into and being wanted.
[00:08:52] Carla: How did you realize? That the only one that could ever really satisfy that with [00:09:00] Jesus, how did Jesus come on the scene for
[00:09:03] Donna: you? That's a loaded question.
[00:09:11] Donna: So loaded because I think that when I, like, when I finally wrote this book and even the title was Untarnished like that's when I really, really fully understood the magnitude and the love of God for me. But before then just walking through this journey of imprisonment and being incarcerated away from my family in a whole nother state.
[00:09:32] Donna: No, don't know anybody. And I remember just like that first week when I was there. And they told because of the. The number of pills I had or whatever, that it would come with a very long sentence. And I remember them just telling me that it would be 14 plus years before I would get out. And, and I wanted to kill myself and I was looking and like, Oh my gosh, [00:10:00] I should just take some pills and end my life right here because I don't know how I'm going to make it through this situation.
[00:10:05] Donna: And so it was just really just a process of finally, because I, I mean, I heard about God before, I don't believe that I had a real relationship with him. My parents went to church, but. I didn't, I didn't really know him and love him and understand his word. And so I had that time because there was nothing else I could do.
[00:10:26] Donna: I was in a cage practically, and I'm not lying, a cage with pink walls and blue teddy bears and a cell with four women to it and a toilet with no privacy and no cable and no sunlight. And so for me that I was, I turned to God because I was like, well, I don't know. And people say that you're real and that you can do this, that, and the third, but I want to know it for myself.
[00:10:49] Donna: And I just remember like these ladies coming in who were volunteers, they would come to the, the jail at the time. Um, every Monday night and one of the ladies handed me a Gideon [00:11:00] Bible and I opened it up and I just began to read it. And she told me, she's like, just start in the book of John. And so. I did that.
[00:11:08] Donna: And over the course of time, because it wasn't like this, this one day thing where I had this aha, or this epiphany, but it was just like me being willing and opening myself to receive, to receive his word and to receive him. And then as I began to do that, um, some of the layers and the things that I was dealing with began to To come off of me, but I had to come to a place of surrender.
[00:11:37] Donna: And so that's one of the things I would say, like, I had to surrender to really know and begin to understand the love of God.
[00:11:46] Carla: I love that because it is a process and you would probably agree with me that even though you've come so far from healing from childhood trauma and the trauma of being incarcerated.
[00:11:58] Carla: That there's still more [00:12:00] healing to come. It's a journey. I'm not where I once was, but I'm not yet where I'm going to be. And it's a process, right? And God's so gentle that he does it layer by layer. He doesn't go straight for the jugular right away.
[00:12:17] Donna: Yeah. And also too, if I could just add something on that, that just comes to my mind.
[00:12:21] Donna: So yeah, it was the surrendering, but also the forgiveness. I had to get to the place where I could forgive myself because I started thinking about. All that promiscuity that I involved myself in and the things that happened to me and not being able to understand, like, why does have to have to happen to me?
[00:12:39] Donna: Why did imprisonment have to happen to me or molestation and all these other things, but into really not look at myself as a victim, but. To just understand, like, this is humanity. This is what humanity does, whether it's good or bad. But thank God we have God and his love and that [00:13:00] he gives us redemption and freedom through forgiveness.
[00:13:04] Donna: So that was another thing I had to do in order to experience his love. Yes.
[00:13:09] Carla: Um, I can relate to that too. There, there are things in my past that it was hard for me to reconcile God's forgiveness because I couldn't forgive myself. Like I couldn't, there's something especially that stands out for me that even to this day I wrestle with and I've had to go to therapy for and, you know, I have to remember if God, the sovereign God of the universe is saying by the blood of Jesus, he forgives me.
[00:13:39] Carla: Yeah. Then who am I to hold in balance judgment against myself, but that's hard to come to, you know, I'm reading right now in the book of Jonah and. I used to always think that God [00:14:00] doesn't send the storms, right? Like for me, storms were a New Testament picture of Jesus being awoken in the boat and calming the storms.
[00:14:09] Carla: Like God doesn't send storms, he calms storms, but I'm reading in Jonah and it's interesting because God sent the storm and he sent the storm to stop Jonah from going down a further path of self destruction. Jonah was trying to flee God, and where Jonah was headed was going to lead to spiritual decay, the worst type of death.
[00:14:35] Carla: And so God had to send the storm to capture him, and it was actually an act of mercy, even though it might have been painful to experience. And I'm hearing a little bit about your incarceration story, and how, how that was the place where you got your first Bible, and that was the place where, like Jonah in the belly of the whale had nowhere else to go.[00:15:00]
[00:15:00] Carla: Do you ever look back at that time as perhaps A pivotal moment that God has used to take you off the course of self destruction through unhealed trauma and all of that.
[00:15:16] Donna: Definitely. I mean, I don't know what could have happened to me when I made it home even that day, because some other things had happened along the way, as far as me being doing what I was supposed to do initially.
[00:15:30] Donna: And so I don't know if that I could experience death, murder. What have you? And so, and I, and I just believe because I believe that God, he allowed this situation and also, and I would never say that prison saved my life or, or any of that. But I do believe that God used that experience to help transform me and to take me off that path, as you mentioned of spiritual decay.
[00:15:58] Donna: Because he had a plan and purpose for [00:16:00] me, and I'm just so grateful that I was able to see it because some people they never recognize it. They never get it. They never understand the different chances that they get, but just somehow I was able to and yielded to it. And coming from the story of just Jonah, um, Somehow he got it.
[00:16:18] Donna: And as a result, the people of Nivea, they were saved. And I just think about that too, as far as just being in the facility for that long and all the women that I came across, because it was like 1500 women there. And just the things that God would like tell me to say or do, um, to speak a word to those women.
[00:16:39] Donna: Like I never forget and even having moments of prayer with it. I'm like, we're in the same situation, but somehow I'm finding joy and peace and being used as a vessel. And even like some of the officers that I've met. Who were spirit filled and they would give me a word of encouragement. And if [00:17:00] there was some challenges that I was facing, I was able to talk to them.
[00:17:03] Donna: Like God, he even sent them, they even came along in my path. And so. Yeah. So for the
[00:17:10] Carla: woman right now that is struggling through trauma, who maybe it's childhood trauma, maybe it's trauma that's come up later, and she's wondering where God is in all of it. Like where's God in this? What's, what's the purpose of the pain here?
[00:17:30] Carla: Where is God? What would you say to her? I
[00:17:36] Donna: would say to her that you have to tell God how you feel. And let him know where you're at and to just to be able to confess that and also not only confess it to him, but find a trusted advisor, a trusted friend, because I'm, I remember when I was in the facility and there was a lady when she was, um, from Pakistan [00:18:00] from different backgrounds, everything.
[00:18:03] Donna: And, um, I went to her room. And that was the first time I ever in my life told somebody that I had been molested, but it was the most freeing moment I ever, like I ever experienced after I was able to confess to somebody else that this had happened to me and to just even cry it out. So that's what I would tell the woman who's listening, like, don't keep suffering in silence, but.
[00:18:29] Donna: Confess to God how you feel and confess to a trusted advisor, if that's a counselor, if that's a confidant friend, but you have to get out what has happened to you. Like you can't hold on to it because if you do, it'll just keep eating you and eating you and you'll still have that resentment and bitterness, but you have to get it out.
[00:18:50] Donna: So yes,
[00:18:51] Carla: healing start there. Healing requires the acknowledgement and the release. And you know, the enemy wants us [00:19:00] to keep things in the dark because he knows in the dark, like you said, that's where bitterness grows. That's where doubt grows. That's where victimhood grows. That's where unforgiveness grows.
[00:19:11] Carla: But when you shine the light on it, you actually start to take away its power and its grip over you. So you've gone through this horrible. experience. You're released from prison. Now, what's up for
[00:19:27] Donna: Donna? Yes. So that I guess that was just one piece of the journey because when I look at it from a natural standpoint, um, so that means when I left the facility that I didn't want to go back to where I was living because who knows what would.
[00:19:46] Donna: Yeah, he there for me. And so I had to decide whether, you know, where to live. And so that was challenging, but just really leaning on God to lead and direct me on where to live. And then by having a [00:20:00]felony, how the world treats you, um, just because of that, even if they don't know the circumstances or what has happened, people always judge you for something that you've done.
[00:20:11] Donna: So just navigating through that and being able to find a job, I'm, I'm so grateful because I tell people sometimes I feel like the anomaly, because a lot of people don't get to experience or live out how I'm living now, and it could be by choice, and it could be from disobedience or what have you, because they give up 2012, like,
[00:20:38] Donna: God's hand has been with me. Of course, I still made some bad choices, whether that was in a relationship, hooking up with somebody else who was dysfunctional. Um, but like, he still got me through those times because I knew who I could rely on and I knew where my hope and my strength came from and who really loved me.
[00:20:58] Donna: So, um, It [00:21:00] was a process just going through all of those things and really just trying to get back on my feet, but I will say that like I've been with God the whole time and God has been with me, and he's just opened some doors for me. He's closed some doors, and he's just doing great and mighty things in me and through me.
[00:21:18] Donna: Um, and, and from that time. So, you know, Four years later after I got out, I got married and that was in fast time because I thought that would be like forever but I only dated my husband for like six months, but we, we just knew we both knew because God had revealed to us so like by the next year we were married and so we've been married for six years next month.
[00:21:44] Donna: Um, and just so many things being able to buy a home. Um, and then also have a job or my nine to five job is with government and who can do that? Who can do that? But God, you know, because a lot of people say, Hey, if you have a felony, you can't do [00:22:00] X, Y, and Z, but I believe God. And if he said that things are possible with him, then I'm going to believe him rather than relying on man.
[00:22:09] Donna: So I
[00:22:10] Carla: love
[00:22:10] Donna: that. Yeah. So that's kind of what life has looked like since then. I mean, of course, there's so much more, but, um, in 2021 or, yeah, during the, sometime during the pandemic, that's really when I started to, I've always had wanted to write a book to be able to tell my story. And so I just use that time to finally get it out.
[00:22:33] Donna: Um, and I had someone help me do that. And so. And where can
[00:22:37] Carla: people
[00:22:37] Donna: find the book? Oh, it's available on Amazon and it's also available on my website. Awesome.
[00:22:45] Carla: Now, we're going to wrap it up. But what I love is that the work you do now has come out of. Your experiences and isn't that God to [00:23:00] redeem what was like you are now a coach and you help other women heal from their trauma and get rooted in their identity and and get that.
[00:23:12] Carla: self esteem that's rooted in knowing who they are in Christ. How did you feel about venturing into that space?
[00:23:24] Donna: At first I was kind of hesitant because I'm like, you know, it's a lifelong journey to In all of this, you know? Yeah. Self worth or what, whatever we're working on, like it's a lifelong journey. We never arrive, right?
[00:23:39] Donna: And so there's always so much to learn, but I just really believe in picking somebody else up because I, I, I wish Carla, that somebody would've picked me up when I was eight or when I was 14, and I was navigating life by myself. And so I felt like it was a mandate. And I'm not going to cry, but I do. I feel like this was a mandate for me to [00:24:00] do because women need to be pulled, pulled up.
[00:24:04] Donna: You know, there's so many things that just come against us and we just lay there in defeat in our mind or even physically, but somebody needs us needs to go and say, girl, get up and then help them along the way. And so that's what I'm here to do. And I believe it's a mandate and I believe it makes a difference because.
[00:24:24] Donna: It's included in rooted in faith and not just, you know, my own way of thinking or something that I'm making up but it's from the creator and from the heavens and I believe that makes a difference in an impact. And
[00:24:36] Carla: lastly, what is the biggest way and this may be a tough question, but what's the biggest way that you have seen God redeem your
[00:24:44] Donna: story, the biggest way that might be tough.
[00:24:51] Donna: That is, that is a good question because, um, yeah. Because I've had different experiences like to be able to [00:25:00] speak on certain stages locally and also to just share my book with different people. So I will say now probably will be the podcast because I was holding on to that for so long. Um, and wanting to do it, but I do believe now because I can reach people from wherever they have a listening platform.
[00:25:22] Donna: And so that's the biggest right there. Awesome.
[00:25:26] Carla: Thank you so much. I just love seeing God at work in you. I just love your heart. Guys, if you are looking for a self worth coach, definitely check out Donna. I will have her website in the show notes and you can connect with her there. And her podcast again is untarnished moments and they're on all the platforms.
[00:25:50] Carla: Thank you so much for being here, Donna.
[00:25:53] Donna: Thanks for having me.[00:26:00]
[00:26:00] Donna: Thanks
[00:26:00] Carla: for joining me today. I hope we're already friends on social media. But if we're not, come find me on Instagram at Carla Arges or at Affirming Truth. Can't wait to see you back here next week. Bye friends.