S8.Bonus 12 | The Impact of Language on Habits: How Your Words Shape Your Reality
In this bonus episode Carla explores the profound impact of language on our behaviors, attitudes, and ultimately, our lives. Carla emphasizes the importance of our words, revealing the transformative power they hold. Join us as we delve into the significance of the language we use, how it shapes our thoughts, and strategies to harness this power to propel positive change in our lives.
Did you know that Carla is a Christian Mental Health coach?
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Key Takeaways
The Impact of Language:
Carla sheds light on how the words we use can influence our beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors. Understanding the connection between language and mindset is pivotal for cultivating a positive and empowering internal dialogue.
Rewiring Your Brain for Success:
By declaring definitive statements about who we are and the habits we want to adopt, we can effectively rewire our brains for success. Carla's personal experiences highlight the transformative power of intentionally shaping our self-perception through language.
Harnessing Language for Healing and Growth:
Through practical examples, Carla elucidates how our language can either hinder or catalyze our healing and growth. By auditing and altering our language patterns, we can pave the way for transformative change in various aspects of our lives.
Renewing Hope:
This episode provides valuable insights into the language-centric approach to personal development and healing. For a comprehensive guide to healing and transforming your life, Carla introduces "Renewing Hope," a science-based course at carlaarges.com aimed at breaking free from trauma, negative self-talk, and mental barriers.
Connect With Carla:
Inquire about 1:1 coaching ---> carlaagreswellness@gmail.com
Renewing Hope Course —-> https://www.carlaarges.com/renewing-hope
Come hangout on IG with me @carlaarges
Check out the blog
Resources:
5 Steps to Building Resiliency
Affirming Truths Facebook Community
5 Tips for Overcoming a Negative Body Image
Who You Say I Am Biblical Affirmation Cards
TRANSCRIPT
Carla Arges [00:00:08]:
Hey friends, welcome to affirming truths. I'm your friend and host, Carla Arges. This show is a safe place to share our struggles, grow in faith, and root our identity in Christ. My hope is that you will leave each episode feeling encouraged in your journey. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode.
Carla Arges [00:00:27]:
And it would mean the world to me if you would leave a review.
Carla Arges [00:00:30]:
I am so glad you here. Let's get started.
Carla Arges [00:00:36]:
Hey friends, welcome to this bonus episode of affirming truths. I am your friend, Carla Arges. I am so glad that you're here. Before we jump into this episode, I just want to remind you that renewing hope, a course specifically designed to help you in your struggle, in your trauma, with your mental illness, to find freedom and live an abundant life, is available to you. Go to carlaarges.com to learn more about the course and really prayfully consider what place it might have in your life in your current season, with your current struggle. Okay, I want to talk to you about something I've been experimenting with in my own life. So I am definitely someone who believes words matter. If you are a client of mine, you know that, how you speak about yourself, how you describe your circumstance, I am all over.
Carla Arges [00:01:36]:
The words that you use because they are important. The words that we use actually drive behavior, and sometimes we think it's the opposite way around. But this is where we get the idea of a self fulfilling prophecy. Because we say something, our brain acts as if it's true. And then our attitudes, our behaviors, our responses fall in line with the truth that your brain believes based on the words that you've used. Do you hear me now? Words matter. They matter so much that God tells us to guard our tongue. And it's not just in the words that we use against others.
Carla Arges [00:02:24]:
I want to encourage you that we have to guard our tongue against the words we use ourselves. And these are not just in the obvious ways. Obviously, if we say, I'm unlovable, I'm too broken, I'm not enough. These are things that I've really struggled with in my core beliefs and in my thought patterns. When we say those things, yes, it's obvious to know words matter, and we need to transform the way that we're speaking, the way that we're believing, and core beliefs renewing your mind, all of that is part of renewing hope. So you can go check that out. But there's another thing, in another way in which our words matter. And that is when we go about creating the habits that serve us.
Carla Arges [00:03:17]:
So as you know, I've talked about it on other shows. I have these four pillars of thriving, that if you have trauma, if you have mental illness, that these are four pillars that help you thrive. They're like the four beams that keep the house up. It's renewing your mind, which means getting into the word regularly. It's moving your body. It is fueling your body for mood regulation, and it is making sure you get enough rest, not just nighttime sleep, but that you have rhythms of rest throughout your day. These are my four pillars of thriving. There's a whole section on it in renewing hope.
Carla Arges [00:03:57]:
And what I often find when I work with one on one clients is that there'll be some particular habit that they've either tried to implement in the past and failed or have already decided it's hard and have never actually tried to implement it. And I hear their language, I'm trying to do this. I'm not good at this. And when we profess these things, right, and we all say, but, carla, it's factually true, but when we profess the thing that I'm not good at this, your brain is registering, oh, I'm not good at this. And therefore, I'm going to perform in a way that validates I'm not good at this. If we say, oh, I'm trying. We give our brain and out to not complete, to not give it at all. That when we say we're trying to do something, it often comes with less than 100% effort, because we're setting up our brain with this window of error and an excuse to get back out of it.
Carla Arges [00:05:09]:
And I'm going to share with you personally two areas in my life where I have had to look at my habits, look at my pillars for thriving, reassess what's serving me or not, and try to implement something new. See what I just did there? I said, try. No. Implement something new. There is no trying. As Yoda would say, there's do or do not. There is no try. And I have had to fundamentally change my language.
Carla Arges [00:05:39]:
Now, one of the things, one of the habits that I am breaking is drinking. And I've been very open with you guys before. I have episodes on my struggle with alcohol. And when I say struggle with alcohol, I don't mean drunkenness, but I mean the struggle of having it as my crutch. I need a glass of wine to take the edge off. I need the glass of wine. At the end of the hard day, I need the glass of wine in order to properly have a social dinner or to properly celebrate. Right.
Carla Arges [00:06:15]:
I need the glass of wine. And in the past, when I've tried to stop drinking and maybe have even been successful for a period of time, it's always been with the language like, I'm trying to stop drinking. I am trying to cut back on drinking. I'm aiming for 30 days of being dry. And you may say, Carla, what's wrong with saying you're trying to quit drinking? Isn't that what you're doing? What is actually happening is I'm creating an identity around trying to quit drinking, an identity that is always in the cycle of drinking. Hear me out. When you say you're stopping at a stop sign versus I am stopped at the stop sign, those are two different things. Stopping at a stop sign implies the car is still in motion.
Carla Arges [00:07:14]:
You may be slowing down, but there's still movement. You're not stopped. Movement is still part of the activity. It may be slower movement, it may be more intentional movement, but there's still movement versus I am stopped at the stop sign implies that the vehicle is no longer in motion. There's a declaration there that I am stopped when I'm trying to quit drinking. My brain takes that in as a slow movement course. A stop sign movement is still part of the equation when I'm trying to quit drinking. Drinking is actually part of the equation when you're stopping at a stop sign, there is friction happening right in your brake pads and brake plates.
Carla Arges [00:08:03]:
There is squeezing together friction, trying to get the car to stop tension, there is friction. When I have the mindset that I'm trying to stop something, there is tension, there is friction, there's internal war going on. And that's always been my experience. When I say I'm trying to quit drinking, I want to quit drinking. And I made a very radical but subtle change to my wording. And can I tell you? Words matter. My experience, although short at this point, has been vastly different. Do you want to know what I've been saying? Instead of I'm quitting drinking, even that I quit drinking.
Carla Arges [00:08:54]:
You know what I've been saying? I've been saying I don't drink. I'm not a drinker. That subtle difference in my language has told my brain, alcohol is not part of my story. It's not part of my past struggle. It's not part of my life. Right now. I don't drink. And how my brain is registering.
Carla Arges [00:09:23]:
You gotta follow me here. How my brain is registering stimuli that used to make me want to drink is no longer making me want to drink because my brain knows I don't drink. I'm not a drinker. So in the past, when I was trying to quit drinking or when I was quitting drinking, the stimuli that would trigger craving and desire was not turned off because my brain still identified as a drinker. Do you see the difference here? But when I identify as someone who does not drink alcohol, I do not drink alcohol. I do not drink. That is part of who I am now. I have been going to restaurants with friends that are having drinks.
Carla Arges [00:10:18]:
Zero temptation. I have had zero cravings. It has been a completely different experience. Why? Because the words I'm using are different. Because I am drawing a line in the sand and declaring who I am. And my brain is like, oh, she doesn't drink. So I'm not going to send her cravings for drinking, oh, she doesn't drink. I'm not going to bring to mind that as a coping mechanism when she needs to cope.
Carla Arges [00:10:56]:
My brain is following soup. I am creating a new neural pathway in my brain with that language. I am literally transforming my mind, renewing my mind. This is where science and bible come together in such a beautiful way. This hasn't been the only place I've been doing that. I've been doing it with my goal to walk 10,000 steps. Can I tell you that I have had the goal to walk 10,000 steps a day for probably about two years. And can I say I've had zero consistency.
Carla Arges [00:11:37]:
Maybe on occasion I would have two back to back days and then I'd be like, okay, well maybe it's more realistic if I aim for 6000 and it got to the point where I was like, okay, maybe 3000 is realistic. I'm trying to hit ten k. And I would say things like, wow, it's really hard to hit ten k. When you work from home and you work at a desk, it's really hard to hit ten k. I'm going to try, but it's really hard. I'm trying to hit ten k. I'm going to make an effort to hit ten k. I would never do it because my brain was like, oh, this is hard.
Carla Arges [00:12:15]:
I'm going to put obstacles in, oh, she's trying, but we don't have to do it. No. You know what I'm saying now? I say, now I'm a person who walks ten k a day, I walk ten k a day. That's, that is who I am. That is a firm statement. It's what I do. I walk ten k a day. It's just what I do.
Carla Arges [00:12:38]:
And for the last three weeks, I have been walking ten k a day. Guys, this has never happened. For the last three weeks in a row, I have walked, on average, a ten k day. That is the power of words. This is why we renew our mind. This is why we watch what we say. This is why life and death is in the tongue, because it shapes our brain and impacts our behavior. What do you want to change in your life? Have you made it part of who you are? And now, don't get me wrong, this does not mean that there is perfection.
Carla Arges [00:13:28]:
There's going to be a day. I don't hit ten k days. It's not about perfection, but it's a different position. When you declare that that is who you are and what you do, it is a different mindset and it creates different feelings which drive different behaviors. Are you following along? What do you want to change in your life? Audit the words you've been using. Have you been saying, I want to get over this trauma. I want to hear heal from this trauma. I don't know if I can heal from this trauma.
Carla Arges [00:14:15]:
This pain is too deep.
Carla Arges [00:14:16]:
It's too hard.
Carla Arges [00:14:18]:
Have you been using language like that and then wondering why you just can't make strides in your healing? Check your language. Are you wanting to implement better food choices? But you have characterized yourself as someone who's always going to struggle with food. If you have characterized yourself as someone that's always going to struggle with food, guess what? You are always going to struggle with food. How can you change your language? How can you declare yourself to be a victor over that? How can you change your language? This is something that is so important in my coaching with my one on one clients, and it's something that I coach myself regularly into. And it's something I realized that if I wanted to change some habits in my life to serve me better for this season, then I had to change my language. I had to rewire my brain for success. So many of us have our brains wired for failure, and then we wonder why we fail. What are your words? How have you conditioned your brain? The power of life and death are in your tongue.
Carla Arges [00:15:43]:
Are you keeping yourself in prison through your language? Are you making your struggle harder because of your language? Delaying? You're healing because of your language? Words matter. Do an audit. How are you speaking? This is so fundamental, guys. I cannot stress it enough. You have to get curious about the language you use. You have to be a detective about the language you use and you have to change the language. If you want to change the outcome, right, guys? If you have any questions, if you're thinking, I think I'm saying everything right, but I'm not sure, come over to Instagram, Carla Arjs. Send me a DM and say, these are the things I say.
Carla Arges [00:16:39]:
I think they sound okay. Can you audit them for me? Can you help me see them through a different perspective? I would love to do that with you. Hop over to Dm. Let's have a chat. Let me help you. Don't stay stuck just because you don't want to ask for help. Don't stay stuck just because you don't think you're doing anything wrong and yet you're not seeing the results that you want. Right? All right, guys, come and find me.
Carla Arges [00:17:07]:
Instagram, Carla Arjs. It's where I love to hang out and connect with you guys. And don't forget, renewing hope is always there for you to be this great introduction to your healing, to your journey out of trauma, out of being stuck with your negative self. Talk. It has science based methodologies with biblical truth all embedded in it. Carlaarges.com to check that out. And guys, I'll talk to you next week.
Carla Arges [00:17:45]:
Thanks for joining me today. I hope we're already friends on social media, but if we're not, come find me on Instagram at Carla Arges or at affirming truth. Can't wait to see you back here next week. Bye, friends.